A New House

I am moving to a new house next month. Finally, after waiting for more than 8 year, I am finally moving to a place that I own. Right now, my wife and I are busy planning for the house decoration etc. Really, really excited. Have met with a few of my future neighbours and they all seems like very nice people.

Just can't wait for the moving day!

Shah Rukh Khan?.....Really?

Of all people, Shah Rukh Khan is a Datuk now?! I can barely believe it when an olympic silver medalist got his Datukship recently and now a Bollywood movie star? Reason cited because he had ONCE... I repeat ONCE filmed his movie in Malacca and now Malacca tourism has been booming since. Darn, and all this while I thought that Parameswara and a bunch of 5 'Hangs' that have made Malacca famous.

I guess the country must have run out of 'worthy' people to be conferred a Datukship! Who's next - George Soros - because he once mentioned Tun Mahathir's name and hence, made Malaysia famous as well!

Oh Blimey!

In conversation with Cicakman

I have been in touch with a friend of mine, Cicakman last week. It has been almost 20 years since we last met or talk. I was pretty close with Cicakman during our schooldays. He always entertained us with his antics and frankly, when I first arrived at the school, he was one of the very few who made me feel welcomed when I first enter the school. Having been in a day school all my life, I have to say that there were a lot of adjusting to be done when I enter a full-boarding school. The environment was different and people around you can be mean at times. But Cicakman always made me feel comfortable. Instead of discriminating the newbies like me, he was one of the first to strike conversation with me and immediately made me feel at ease. I will always hold his friendship dear to my heart.

Anyway, some update on Cicakman - he was married and divorce and just recently remarried. He has one kid and he teaches in a secondary school in North of Malaysia. Lot's of things has happened since we last met but I was proud with what he has achieved so far. Despite all that, I can still sense the very sense of warmth through his voice, just like how it was back in the schooldays. He told me that he lost touch with all of our friend except one.

Talking to him reminded me how fun it was back then, when things were all so simple. I do have a few friends in our clique that until now I am still looking for them. I will always remember Ella & Skooch - wonder where they are now?

In the mood

It's been a while that I haven't updated my blog. Not that I don't want to but because I cannot afford to spare the time. Even when I do have time, I was not in the mood because of the exhaustion I felt from the many multiple tasks and projects that I am handling now. Some of my friends has been pestering me to update my blog (okay superchica, I am doing it now!).

However, today, I am in the mood to update something. Mainly because:

1) Roger Federer won the US Open
2) I found back my close friend from my alma mater - Mr Cicakman
3) My sons have been fasting thus far
4) I have yet to miss my 'terawih' to date
5) I have just celebrated my 10th anniversary last Friday
6) Things seems to be under better control and more stable at work
7) I have finished shopping for my kids Hari Raya clothings

So much of good things has happen to me for the last few days that I guess it warrants some entry in the blog.

Thank you GOD for ALL the blessings that you have given me and my family. At times, I felt that GOD has been super-generous with me, to the point that I felt I don't really deserve them. But I guess He knows best.

I think I am going for a new goal in life. Perhaps to win my first tennis Grand Slam at the age of 40?

Help!!

I am overloaded with work now.

I am in a super-pressure cooker.

I am very stressed-out.

I have tonnes of deadlines to meet.

Oh yes, it began to dawn on me.......


I am in deep SHIT!

Commitment

After working for more than 10 years, I have been told by a colleague that I have actually contracted with a kind of 'professional' disease. I was informed that I have issues with commitment. The thing is, my issues is not about my unwillingness to commit, but it was to the other extreme. Apparently, I am overcommitted. Because of this, many perceived my enthusiasm and overcommitment as aggression, harshness, disrespectfulness and some even claim as sheer arrogance.

The think is, I don't think I am like that at all. I have to say I do have a very high energy level (of which, I don't think my wife would agree given how much contribution I had when it comes to house chores), but I am truly concern about delivering what people expect you to it. I have this inexplicable tendencies to please people with my work. I mean, when people expect certain deliverables out of me, I put my utmost passion into the tasks that I sometimes tend to be aggressive if things does go my way.

Maybe it's about time to tone down. I am getting older......

Major disappointment

I was truly upset with my son Luke yesterday. Not only because he lied to his mother and me about him bringing ALL his piggy bank savings to school yesterday, but also because of his intention to show off to his friends how much money he has.

I felt really, really disappointed because Honesty and Humility are few of the virtues that I uphold very very closely in my heart. When I was young I have seen too much of lying and 'self-promotion'/arrogance around me to the extent that I will naturally react with repelling behaviour towards those who lacked such qualities. The thing is, I just cannot believe that my son was doing it. Of course he got some very major scolding from me but that does not compensate for the disappointment I felt.

To make things worse, he was almost 'mugged' by one of the school bullies at school, whom I suspect, could have seen him holding that much money.

The truth is, I am more disappointed with myself for not being able to pass down the virtues well to my kids. Maybe, I have not been praying hard enough to God for my kids to embrace these virtues.

Lazy Bum

I have been very determined to go back to exercise regime for the last couple of weeks and so far, I have not been able to go anywhere near to my gym. But today, I was very, very close to finally realising that resolution.

But then when it was time to go, suddenly my bum becomes very, very lazy.... No wonder my stomach is getting bigger. Never mind, tomorrow I shall go to the gym :) ...... that is unless my bum does not go back to the standby mode 'again'!

Sore Loser

I have been in a very foul mood for the last couple of days. The reason? .......Federer lost his Wimbledon title.

Get a life Luke!

Wimbledon

Venus Won! I am such a huge fan of the girl. I think when she is at her best, she is almost indestructible. Frankly, even though people said that Serena is the better player, my preference will always be with Venus. She has this mature disposition and hardly display any signs of anguish during her match, even though she is one point from losing. So, kudos to the big sister and to the little sister, grow up! Did you read her comments during the press conference. What a sore loser.

Tonight will be the men's final. I do have tough time in deciding who I will support. My heart goes to Federer for the superb payer he is, but at the same time, I also want Nadal to win merely because for his on and off-court persona. I think both of them really displays what professional tennis is all about. You can be the very fierce competitors on court, but off-court, you can remain friends and polite to each other. I particularly like the way Nadal commented about his thrashing of Federer during the recent French Open final. Despite showing a far superior game, he was very respectful of his opponents and remain polite and respectful with his comments. Even though I know Nadal is very, very competitive on court, he some how manage to charm his way with his polite and respectful demeanor towards his opponents. I guess that's why my wife is a die-hard fan of Nadal.

Only if our leaders can learn a thing or two from these guys.....

Disgusted!

Frankly, I don't know what's up with Malaysia nowadays. ever since Tun Mahathir stepped down from the highest post, everything began to crumble. From escalating prices, to shaky racial unity, corrupted politicians and the ever-so-dramatic so called leader of the opposition of Anwar Ibrahim (AI).

Talk about Mr AI, I used to have such a huge respect for this guy. He portrayed this image of a new, young and dynamic Muslim that has all it takes to bring the nation to a greater height. Then, came the Sep 1998 episode where he was sacked from the top post, apparently for f***ing someone's a***. I wasn't a total believer of the whole incidence because deep in my heart, I truly believed that he was set-up and thought that all of these are part of the political games that Mahathir put in order to oust his then ever-increasingly-popular deputy. (I have to say, I wasn't a great fan of Mahathir either but I have a lot of respect for the guy for what he has done for Malaysia).

During the recent election, I thought the results served the ruling party right because it really echoed the voice of the people for the blatant display of corruption of some of the top officials. I was emphatic of AI and wish him all the best in his political come back.

However, he lost his support from me with his series of action after the big win. There were many dubious statements and actions by him which I felt was in total contradiction of what he was before and what he was really fighting for. It was so blatant that I begin to doubt his political agenda - is he really fighting for his people rights or is he the guy who will do anything just to be Malaysia's PM? I am beginning to see that things will be heading towards major screw-ups if he is in power.

The funny thing is indeed he was. But then again, I didn't expect that instead of screwing up the government, he screw somebody's a*** up first. I thought the whole episode was very funny. Maybe he was just practising :) . But true to what the opposition has been doing lately, things become such a big drama. First, there was the political asylum thing, then there were allegations bantering where the suing and counter-suing ensues.

Don't these people realise that there are actually other REAL issues that need to be addressed. What about the rising cost of living and addressing people's woes? Don't you guys get it, creating one drama after another is NOT solving our problems! I am truly ashamed of the so-called leaders we have in Malaysia. Maybe they all deserve the screwing by one another.

In the meantime, I am surfing the net to find a country that I can seek 'economic' asylum. From I am seeing, looks like Timbuktu should be a good place to migrate.

And for the record, I still don't believe that AI did all those things he was alleged for. But somehow, I was not as emphatic as before. Maybe, he deserved it.

Wallahu'alam.

A little 'Pick-me-up'

I have to say that I have been quite down for the last couple of days. Mainly because of work overload and the demands on me that barely pass the 'reasonableness' test. In most of the time, I will find within me things that will continue to motivate me but nowadays, that self-motivation mechanism is verging on a breakdown.

I think God must have loved me so much that just when I was about to spiral down further, I receive an email from my confidant that puts me back on track again. The email was not one of those long and wordy words of encouragement but a rather sweet and simple quotation that somehow hugely overhauls the key component of my self-motivation mechanism.

Sometimes we don't realise that you can touch people in ways that you don't even realise. Thanks Superchica for the thoughts. I will forever etch those words in my heart.

I am tired!!!

For the past couple of days, a lot of people has been making remarks on me saying that I look tired. I too feel the exhaustion and after pondering for a while, it dawns on me what really makes me feel tired. So here goes...

I am tired of solving other people's problem. Don't they think that they too have brains that I am sure, if given just some marginal effort, it can work too.

I am tired of people having high expectation on me. Don't they know that I am only a human being and it doesn't mean that whenever my name is in the team, all problems can be solved!

I am tired of being the 'Aunt Agony' of people around me. Don't they realise that I too have problems on my own that even I don't know who I confide my innermost fears and insecurities.

I am tired of making decisions for people who do not want to do so out of pure hesitance of taking accountability should things got screwed up. Don't they ever wonder how they should be earning all those monthly credits to their bank account and what it really means.

I am tired of being nice to people whom they themselves are not nice to other people. Do they really expect that people can still be nice to you despite you being a total a***hole to them?

I am tired of having to justify all of my actions to people while some a**hole can get away with murder. Don't they see that when I do things, I always put my best intentions for them. Just because you have had bad experience and you can generally labeled everybody as conman!

Finally, I am tired of being tired for all these things. Why don't people just leave me alone. So everybody just get the f***-off of my back.

The End!

Headless Chicken, that's me!

Ever since I got back from my family vacation, I have been running around like headless chicken. Suddenly, there are so many things to be done in such a short time. To make things worst, I am currently involved in two concurrently high profile, tight-deadline projects involving highly sensitive areas. In fact, I just came back from a week long outstation stint, which eventually left me truly exhausted yesterday.

Today, as I entered into my office, a string of people is queueing to see me. In a way, I felt like the most sought after person in the company, but in many ways, I felt I am being exploited by my company to deliver what others cannot deliver.

I think I better start pondering my 'martyr'-like approach in my work because, I am feeling a lot of people in taking credit of my work. Not that I mind it that much, but when it was done blatantly in front of your face, you can't help but get annoyed for such display of arrogance.

Yesterday, I got a good man-to-man session with my nephew, Ifus, on the virtues of corporate life and the thing that you need to do to progress in your career. Now, I think I need to reevaluate the advice given....

Family Vacation Part 2 (Kembali ke Alam Nyata!)

My family and I arrived in KUL at approximately 14oo hours today. Well all I can say was it was truly an enjoyable trip. My wife and I went shopping in Tanah Abang, a place where you can find cloth and materials (as well as head scarf and embroidered clothing) dirt cheap! My wife and I also pamper ourselves with facial treatment, body massage and reflexology at a price that was beyond value for money, and our kids got to attend a two-hour tennis coaching lessons (together with ball-boy services) at a mere RM35. To top it all, we got ourselves to stay in a Grand Deluxe room and a mere one-third of the published rate. Man, do we live like king in Jakarta! In the end, all of us came back with glee, probably the after effect from the 'euphoria' we experienced.

The family having a good time at DuFan (Dunia Fantasi)

The thing is, I am quite impressed with Jakarta. My wife was a bit apprehensive when I mentioned to her that I wanted to take the whole family to Jakarta for a vacation. In her mind, she always thought that the place is unsafe, dirty etc a.k.a not worth visiting. I don't blame her because she did not have a pleasant experience the first time she went there back in 2000. But to me Jakarta is far more interesting to visit than KL - hands down.

The kids frolicking at the hotel's bath tub

Apart from being able to enjoy the luxuries at a mere fraction of a price here in KL, the workmanship of the people is impeccable. and meticulous. For example, the masseuse are more skilled than those in KL. I can really compare this based on my first hand experienced. In fact, I was very impressed with the progress of my kids tennis skills after just a 2 hours session with the local coach. I was surprised to see Nique being able to strike the ball clean after just being coached for 10 minutes. This I can compare with the results I got when I tried to coach them myself.

Luke, Nique and Ash at Tennis Coaching Session

Now we are back to the real world. As I write, my kids were sleeping, clearly exhausted from the trip. In my mind, I am already planning my next visit.

At the hotel

Note: There are still things that you need to be wary of when visiting JKT. Thus, you should always seek advice from people who visit the place regularly.

Family Vacation Part 1 (Selamat Berlibur!)

I am in Jakarta when I type this entry. I have to say, the vacation didn't start quite well. Yesterday morning when I arrived at the airport, I was offloaded because the flight was overbooked. As a result, my family and I have to wait for 4 hours for the next flight. Then, the flight was delayed because of late arrival of the previous flight. I have to wait for another 1 hour before we departed to Jakarta. When I arrived, I found out that I lost my handphone. I could've left it either in the plane or at the waiting lounge prior to departure. When I checked-in at the hotel, I found out that the room provided to me did not come with the internet connection.

The thing is, apart of all the thing that happened, I was indeed very satisfied. Not for what has happened but more of how I have reacted to all this. Instead of throwing tantrums and making scenes out of all these (which I always have the tendency to do it), I have risen above them all and reacted using my head and not my emotions.

Starting with the incident at the airport, instead of uttering expletives at the officer at the counter, I managed to remain calm and talk rationally to the guys. And you know what, I was suddenly able to calm myself further. I was overwhelmed with this tingling sensation arising from the effect of being nice to people. I can see how appreciative the officers to me and because of that, I was offered free coupons for my breakfast and lunch (usually, one is entitled for one meal vouchers only). Then during internet incidence, I negotiated my way with the hotel officers and guess what, I was given free internet instead. As for my handphone incidence, I managed to email my assistant at the office and she managed to do the necessary for me. In the end, I end up having a very good time with my family.

One thing I learnt that I would not be able to do all this had I did not do the most IMPORTANT thing when adversity occurred....the ability to let things go. Many a times the main cause for our anger, anguish and disappointment is the fact that we are too hung up on what HAS happened rather than concentrating to ensure things happen the way we wanted it. The rule is simple, negativity breeds negativity whilst positivity neutralised negativity and makes things back to equilibrium. I know this may sound a bit too philosophical but could you imagine what would have happened if I reacted differently to all the above situations. I could have ended up having the worst family vacation ever. At the moment, my family and I are having good times doing shopping and sightseeing in Jakarta.

I guess GOD has blessed me with true happiness.

Alhamdulillah...

Playing with Emotions

One thing I love about fatherhood is that you get to bully your kids anytime, anywhere you like. When it comes to teasing my kids, I am a true expert. Nique, for example, can easily succumb to the power of suggestions. Tell him anything and he would believe it. Ash on the other hand, is easily manipulated everytime you 'fake' your crying. But when it comes to Luke, it is totally a different ball game. Luke is a bit more steady and guarded when it comes to his emotions. You don't easily break him and he also doesn't easily believe things either. His power of observation is so strong that you have to be really, really consistent to make him succumb to your suggestions.

Just now, I manage to break him :) As we are preparing to go to Jakarta, I have constantly told him that he will not be joining us because of his poor exam results (well Luke is not as academically gifted as Nique). I started to pull him into the game about 5 weeks ago. First, I started by showing that I didn't buy him his plane tickets (which I actually did). Next, I kept on repeating that I shall be leaving him with either at my sister house or his nanny's place. Every now and then, I would drop little hints that he will not be joining us for the trip. The thing is, he was pretty cool about it. Throughout the period, he did not show much feelings towards what I said. I must say, he seems to be taking the news a bit too well.

My moment of triumph came just now. Because he likes to tease Nique, I finally told him that I would consider bringing him along if Nique allows him to. I would have thought that Nique would be taking is time to see if Luke would be nicer to him but Nique, being the soft-hearted kid he is, has finally admitted to me that he would like Luke to join us for the trip as well. I guess my plan hit a little setback. Then this afternoon, I told Luke that since Nique is okay with him joining, he still has to beat me in Foosball three times in a row in order to earn the trip. I can see how determined Luke was in trying to win the game. In fact, he won the first two games fairly easily (actually the kid is darn good!). The third game was a closer tie. The suspense was as good as any Hindi movie that you would normally watch. Every time, Luke scored a goal, I would score mine right after. At the score of 5-5, Luke finally manage to pull away when he got the next 2 consecutive goals (by the way, you need to score 9 goals to win the game). I guess, nerves has finally got the best of him when, out of nowhere, I managed to score 4 goals in a row. As he conceded defeat, his eyes started to well up. I, on the other hand, began to rub it in with my gloating. He finally broke down in tears. I think he was truly, truly disappointed. His cousin, Ann who happen to be around began to console him but he was truly heartbroken.

As I when up to my room and tell the tale to my wife, I began to think that maybe this time I went a bit too far. My wife pointed how childish I have been to pull a stunt like that on a nine-year old. I guess she's right too. I was more interested in breaking his 'macho' persona without realising that how much I have hurt him. After I have finished typing the final sentence of this entry, I would go down and offer to have another foosball game with him and this time, I would let him win this time. My wife told me why can't I just tell him that he can go, without going through this silly mind games. I told her......"Where's the fun in that?!"

I really, really ought to be ashame of myself!!

Luke, Nique and Ash being my prank victims....he...he....he...

Vacation mood

This week has been very hectic for me at work. Since Tuesday, I have been back to back meetings and discussions where some even finished at 11pm. I must say, I was working my ass off this week trying to clear outstanding things as much as possible. You may wonder where did I get the motivation to sustain such high level of energy. The answer...long overdue family vacation. Next week I am going to Jakarta with my family. It's been awhile since we last have our vacation. Can't wait to go there with my family. Definitely I am going to enjoysssssss!!!!!

Mixed Feelings

Yesterday, my eldest son Luke was having a whole day affair at his school. The school was celebrating Teacher's Day in the morning and in the afternoon, he had to attend a special programme 'Kem Bestari Solat' a programme carried out by the school to teach the pupils the proper way of prayers. I know Luke was fond of these things. Even at a tender age of 9, he has already displayed traces of leadership quality. He likes to participate in co-curricular activities as well as any initiatives carried out by the school. As far as I can remember, he was always elected either to be the class monitor or assistant monitor ever since he was in kindergarten. I am very proud of him because of the independence and high level of accountability displayed by him. In fact, I could see the passion he had whenever he is involved in these types of activities. I couldn't remember whether I was as active as he is when I was at his age.

However, I was a bit upset with him yesterday. Apparently, during the mid-break between his morning session and the afternoon session, he had left school and join his friends to perform Friday prayers at a nearby Mosque. In a way, I felt proud because he makes the decision and do what he wanted to do. I always like to encourage my kids to make decisions and do what they feel is right. However, in doing this, he has ignored my caution to him about going to places where there is no adult supervision. With the kind of things happening to kids these days, there is no telling what can happen. I did give him the scolding afterwards but deep down, I was a little proud of him. My son is becoming a man at such an early age. But then again, I cannot ignore the fact that things could happen the other way round. In the end, how do you balance between instilling independence in your kids but at the same time protecting them from the dangers surrounding them. I have seen the two extreme methods that my sisters adopt in handling their kids. One is a bit laid-back and in the end the child grew up to be undisciplined whilst the other is too protective that they become too needy and dependent on my sister.

At the moment, I don't know where I stand. Only time will tell.

Luke in one of his school's activities

Its just too much!!

I am close to reaching my breaking point today. Early this morning, I started my day with wild ramblings and scolding to my staff, followed by exchange of nasty emails and heated tele-conversation with people in my department. I just can't stand it when people are taking their own sweet time to do their jobs, and on top of that conveniently pass the buck to others. I guess my temperamental showdown this morning works as I began to see things are moving again.

Then, the pressure of handling voluminous (and sometimes ridiculous) requests from other departments again makes me losing my cool. Sometimes I wonder where does all these thick people comes from? Can't they understanding simple instructions? We are in the midst of cost control mode and yet they still have the cheek to ask for extravagance. I could swear that for a brief moment, I was close to utter a couple of 'f***-off's to them.

I am truly under a tremendous pressure lately. My deadlines are way overdue, my team seems to be moving at a snail pace, other people doesn't seems to be cooperative, there are issues accumulating as several of my projects progress, whilst at personally level, I still have these chores to do for m family and my relative. I don't think I can handle this anymore. I am NOT a superhero!!

And to top it all, I just found out that my name was due for international postings and it was stopped because my boss does not want to release me. Apparently, I have yet to complete my projects. Please tell me when can I finish my projects if new things keep coming to my table and I have to keep on rescuing other projects that cannot be handle by some incompetent fools that we employ at higher positions!

Screw all of them!!!

Missing you....

Mother's days is just around the corner. You can hear over the radio there are contests on who can come out with the best wishes, on-the air-greetings by children to their wonderful moms, appreciation speech etc.

Yesterday, whilst I was driving home, I heard this lady was talking about her mother and how wonderful her mom was. It was such a beautiful dedication that it touches my heart and I started to get all teary-eyed. As I keep on listening to her speech, I began to feel that she was actually describing my mom!

You see, my mom was brought up in rural area. Her father did odd jobs to support the family. She has 9 siblings and a crippled mother who suffered from stroke. When she reaches her adolescence, she defy the traditional norm and began working in a rubber estate just to help support the family. My mother had always been known for her strong character and her firmness. Despite her tough exterior, she has one of the very soft heart in the world. She was genuinely caring and always willing to go extra mile to help those in needs. I can see all her characteristics embodies into my eldest sister (though she vehemently denied this!).

My mother loves cooking. I may be seen as tooting my own horn, but to me she is the best cook in the world especially when it come to traditional dishes. Whenever there was big wedding do in our neighbourhood, she will always be called to cook the dishes. I must say, my mom was not only a good cook, she also possessed very strong managerial qualities as well. She always like to maintain high standards in her work and can get violently impatient towards shoddy workmanship. She also had very low tolerance level towards people who delay and slow at doing things. When I was young, I couldn't understand why she has to behave very violently whenever I make mistakes, but now when I look back, all the things that she did had conditioned me to be who I am now.

Though my mom was not a very physical person, you can feel the warmth and her compassion towards you with the things that she was willing to go through just to make sure her kids get everything they deserved. She will braved government agencies to ensure her kids will get a scholarship, she was always there whenever there were ceremonies to celebrate our achievements, in short she always put our priority first. It is pity that sometimes us kids were unappreciative to the things that she did for us.

Even with her grandchildren, she was always very generous with them. My kids adored her so much and will always eager to go to her place. In fact, they like her 'bedak sejuk' session so much that until to day, they still use the same 'bedak sejuk' after taking their bath. (My mom will always put the bedak sejuk - a kind of traditional facial powder to her kids and grandchildren every time after bath time. I used to hate this when I was young as it makes you look ugly - but somehow luke and nique loved it so much!)

As I was typing this entry, I didn't realise that tears began flowing down my cheek for I can never get to greet my mom 'Happy Mother's Day" anymore.

Al-fatihah...... to my late mom and thank you for all the wonderful things that you have done for me. I really, really miss you!

Boys will be boys

Ever since I was small I always wanted a Foosball table, the one that was featured in Chandler's and Joey's apartment in Friends sitcom. However, I always hesitated to get one thinking that I will have no one in the house to play it with. The opportunity presented when Nique, my second son pleading me to buy one when we went out shopping at Subang Parade yesterday. Looking at how eager he was justifying his request, my heart melted and decided to buy the Foosball for him.

When I got back to my house, I started to assemble the thing and I felt I have achieve a great accomplishment when I managed to assemble the whole thing by myself (actually, I don't mind boasting about this as I am not known for my carpentry skills!).

I played with my sons and wife and I have to say we had a great deal of fun. In fact, I think I was the more exciting one. Even Ash, my youngest son is quite apt in the game. Luke, my eldest is playing like a pro. He put me into shame when he repeatedly beat me in 3 successive games. At one point, I have to resort to cheating just to win a goal from him (shame on me!).

Luke & Nique participating in MotoGP

The game brought out the boy in me and for a moment, I don't see myself as a father but more like a playmate to my kids. I reverted to my fatherhood mode when Nique and Luke began quarrelling and fighting over the game! It was then I realise that there is an expiry period for adults to enjoy a moment boyhood.

The Perfect 10

Yesterday, I managed to get my butt off and drive all the way to Raub, to attend my wife's cousin wedding. Usually I hate driving long distance (I know, I know Raub is only 2 hours away but to me, anything that requires more than 1 hour driving is a torture!), but because of this is a close cousin of my wife, I feel obliged to accompany her.

When I look at the groom, I began to reminisce the first time I saw him. It was during my wedding about 10 years ago. I can't believe time have passed so fast. I felt like I was just married 2 days ago. I guess when you enjoy each other's company, time surely swift pass you faster than Lewis Hamilton in his McLaren's.

This year, I am celebrating my 10th anniversary. I feel blessed for having such a wonderful and blessed marriage and for having three wonderful boys who continuously make me feel life is worth living. I always look forward to see how my children grow and how much my relationship with my wife has gone from strength to strength. Sure we have our share of ups and downs, but as far as I can remember, there are more fond memories. Even in the period of adversity, our relationship came out stronger than ever.

I really believe that the key to happiness is about accepting who your spouse is and your spouse accepting you as who you are. I am glad that I married my wife even though before the wedding I have my doubts considering how different both of us were. I guess, the risk is worth taking. I would have never known what happiness is all about had I decided not to pursue her. I am one hell of a lucky bloke!

A major upset

Whenever you got scolded by your boss over your work, have you ever wonder which one upsets you more? Is it because of the scolding or is it because of the fact that you turned in a shoddy work?

If the price is right

Last week, my company payed out quite a hefty bonus over a very encouraging financial results. It was the highest ever profit ever recorded since the beginning of the company. I, too, was very proud of the results and knowing that I was part of the team that helped to achieve it was even more satisfying.

When the bonus payment was made, I had a lot of plans with the money. This includes increasing my investments, settling off some debts and spending the extra for a much needed family vacation. But the sad truth was, after settling off some of my debts, there was very little to spend or even to save. It got me to wonder, I have been living with quite high debts all this while. Sometimes we tend to overcommit ourselves financially that we forgot to take stock of the income we earn to cover it. The thing is, I am not the only one. From several conversations that I had with some of the people around me, friends and acquaintances alike, I gather that most of them too have the same problem.

Is living in the current society have put too much strain on your financials? If we look around us, most of us pay for our convenience. Remember in the good old days, whenever there's a wedding in the neighbourhood, relatives and neighbours will come in throngs to help with the big do. Nowadays, everything will be done by caterers. The thing that got you worried is that what is really the price of convenience? I notice that the warmth and the excitement of a wedding do has far dwindled nowadays. No doubt, the wedding is much nicer, the brides looks prettier, the do is much more organised and of course the host will not have to worry about cleaning up after the mess, but once you leave the wedding, there's nothing much to remember about. I use to have this warm feeling whenever I attended a wedding during my childhood days. I remember having good times playing with with my cousins, helping in the distribution of 'bunga telur', washing tonnes of dishes, catching up with my relatives and list go on. Now, people are so busy that we always opt for convenience. We rather pay for things rather than having to endure too much of hassles. But what we fail to realise is that, with the money, we are trading off other things in life such as closeness and bond with your neighbours and relatives. Is this the right price?

Do we realise that all of us are too busy working our ass off to get high bonus so that we can pay for our convenience? We would probably have avoided all this if we spend some time away from work and start investing in the relationship with your neighbours and relatives. Can you really put a price to good neighbours and close relatives?

Luke and Nique carrying 'bunga manggar' at a relative's wedding

:)

I feel happy
I feel happy
I feel happy, and happy and more

I'm ecstatic
I'm ecstatic
I'm ecstatic, ecstatic and more

And the best thing is that I don't know what's got into me.......

p/s: Superchica - thanks for the words of encouragement. To be able to put your head up high and rise above all the shit that happens, makes you a real superhero!

The war

Today, I read in the news that kids in Iraq who are so desperate for education that they are willing to brave the danger around them, to learn under the ruins of the school. Deep in my heart I felt a really strong empathy for these kids. Iraq's education system used to be the best in the region and yet, within such a short time everything was ruined, thanks to the so-called super leaders of the world who masked their ulterior motives under the pretense of spreading democracy around the world.

I always thought democracy is about giving the power to the people to make their own choice and decisions. So, what power are you giving if the children cannot even be accorded a safe environment for them to get their education. We wailed for the loss of lives during the 'highly-publicised' 9/11 tragedy, but how many of us really take time to think about the loss of lives during the war of Iraq, or the never-ending chaos in the Gaza strip. I believe the number of lives lost are far beyond the 9/11 tragedy. I am no fan of terrorist, but I am no fan of biased and unjust treatment either. Do we realise that most of the time, our sympathy are very much guided by the people whom in the first place are the one who mastermind all this? We cried for holocaust victims, but there were never any mention about the killings of women or children in the Sabra & Shatilla massacre. We felt deeply for victims for London bombing, but do we talk about thousands of women who were widowed during the Afghan war? Why is it that when tragedies happen in the countries that control the media, wide publicity is given? Are we really giving the help to those who are really in need.

It got me thinking, whose democracy are we championing for?

Spoke too soon....

I use this blog to express things that is normally in my head which, under normal circumstance, I wouldn't tell to other people. When I look back at my entry, I started to sense that most of writings have some degree of pomposity and self-congratulatory that undertone them. Believe me, I am not a pompous person, far from it. Somehow, God has ways to remind me to be more humble and down to earth. Last Friday, it was no exception.

Remember when I wrote how productive I have been last week bla, bla, bla. Guess what? As I was about to leave my office, looking forward to a relaxing weekend, I got an email requesting me to prepare a presentation to senior management on Tuesday. Since, it was still 530 pm, I decided to stay back a while, do the necessary skeletal presentation and make a few calls to get the information required, giving them Monday as deadlines for submission. Still, I felt, under such tight deadlines, I manage to keep cool and remain subdued. When I finish my last instructions, I felt that my entry on being a superhero was well validated. Seems that it was only the beginning.

When I was about to leave office again about at 730 pm, I got a call from my boss to prepare a report which is due on Monday! This is where I started panicking. It was already 730pm and most of my colleagues have gone home (after all it was Friday night!). Thousands of questions started to clogged my mind. Where am I going to get the information during the weekend? How can I contact the right people? Where can I get the additional resource? I have already approved the leaves for two of my key staff next week. Helllppppppp!!

Suddenly I remember my earlier blog entry on being super-productive. At this juncture, I would like to take back all the things that I say about myself. Time for this humble old bloke to swallow his words and admit that he is not a superhero after all!

Boy's night out

Last Friday night, I went out with Koosh and Ozor to watch a local horror show. I can't recall going out with us just boys without our extended family members for more than 10 years. Actually it started when Ozor wants to see the film but can't go with his wife because she's pregnant. As for me, I haven't been to a horror show for quite some time. Since, I thought this would be a good opportunity for some time alone, I agree with to tag along. But deep down, I thought it was quite weird being a married guy going out with friends on Friday night. I feel it was too 'hip' for a mature guy like me.

Indeed it was a fun night! First, I got to see how a 'scaredy-cat' Koosh was when it comes to watching horror movie. Throughout, the show Koosh was uttering some expletives whenever he was afraid or feeling something was lurking. I too have my moment of cowardliness but seeing another friend who is more scared than you somehow boost you 'macho'ness a bit.

After the show, we went for a drink and continued chit-chatting and caught up with the latest gossip (yes, we boys do gossip you know!). Somehow, during our conversation, we manage to point out each other's peculiarity. I started it when I pointed out Koosh's obsession with his boss. It seems that every time we strike a conversation, he always mention about his boss. They also pointed out that I tend to talk too much about work. At one point, Koosh even accused me of being workaholic! In then end, we make a pact to stay away from talking the things that we seem to be 'obsessed' with. We also talked about how we wish to live the lives of one another, only to realise that each one has its own shortcomings.

When I went back home, I saw my wife sound asleep and it got me thinking, no matter how much fun I had out there, nothing can beat the fun I had with my family. It takes me just one night to realise that what I had was real.

Productive week

As I am typing this entry, I am grinning ear to ear. This week has been a very satisfying week for me. I got a lot of things done, actually. First, my project is coming to an end. Yesterday, the management has 'okay'ed my project which mean I can go back breathing like normal mortals do. I have also completed my overdue Performance Plan, which I have submitted this morning. I also manage to complete a report a day before due date and just now, I have just kick-start another projects. As I strut back towards my office, I can feel my ego inflating with each step that I take.

Throughout my entire professional life, I have always been in a work environment that push me to be super-productive. Many a times, I will be assigned simultaneous projects with simultaneous deadlines as well. Because of my ability to do so, I do have this conceited view of myself being a superhero (sorry superchica, I am the first self-proclaimed corporate superhero before you!). I guess, this may have a lot to do with my upbringing. You see, my mom is a single-handed domestic manager (because my father was a soldier and always away from home). I would say, she was amongst the pioneer of 'modern' women, a new breed of female who have to juggle between career and household needs. I remember it well that all of us were taught to multitask and she could get very impatient if you are 'tembel' (and she can get quite violent too if her demand is not met - I could still recall an incident where she threw a cooking knife to one of my sisters for not bring the kitchen utensils on time!). With all this conditioning, you can't blame me for my low tolerance towards inefficiency and low productivity.

On to another topic, I just got a news that an ex-schoolmate have just got his 5th child. Now that's the level of productivity that I can do without!

A lovely relationship.

I always enjoy having conversation with my wife. Usually our topics covers friends, family members, work, frustrations and of course kids. Just now, she talks about one incident involving a childish behaviour of her office mate whom was dissatisfied over some office seating. And throughout the conversation, I listened to her very intently, enjoying her animated gestures and her run-of-the-mill commentary. In my mind, I felt that I can live with this for a hundred more years. Seriously, I do enjoy having a chat with my wife.

I always know when we got married, she is the perfect partner for me. I have to say that even though our personality is of total opposites, we do have a lot of shared interests together (and usually, these are the kind of things that people would say they are uncharacteristic of us). We like to shop, I enjoy designing her clothes, she enjoys me designing her clothes, she enjoys talking about her friends to me and I enjoy listening to them, we like the same TV shows, I like tennis and she adores Rafael Nadal (up to a point that I can't help but thinking that they might have some secret affair behind my back). In fact, one true character that we share is that our friends find us trustworthy. The amount of people's secret that me & my wife know can turn the country into a series of 'Dynasty' episodes (for those who were born post 1980's, this is a soap filled with scandals, corruption and betrayals).

My wife is quite an introvert person. She would have a small circle of friends whom she is very close with. People will normally associate her with aloofness. However, the good thing about her is that she is good at maintaining friendship. I, on the other hand, is the 'put-everything-out-there' kind of guy. I am always at ease in meeting strangers and always able to strike any kind of conversation. It seems that I can talk about any topics in the world. But the thing is I am very poor at maintaining friendship. Other than my wife, I can't seem to thank any of my current close friends whom I know more than 5 years. It seems that I can only maintain my friendship if I marry into one, which is exactly what I did. My wife is my best friend since the university days and we remain best friends till now. I think to be able to enjoy each other's company and always have good conversation are pillars to strong and solid relationship. I am glad that I married her, otherwise, I would have lost a very very good friend. Now, you wouldn't what that to happen to you, would you?

Unscrupulousness

Some people are just born to be bastards! Today, I got a very disturbing news from my subordinates. It seems that one of our vendors has renegaded on the earlier agreement we have entered. The thing is, when we confronted them, they have a cheek to tell us that we didn't confirm our 'order' to them earlier. Now, we have to make all the necessary arrangement to untangle the mess. Previously, the vendor has been delaying their deliverables to us citing capacity constraints. Little that we know that they have been servicing other customers who paid higher price. FYI, we have entered an agreement with them to provide their deliverables at an agreed cost. Now that we are enjoying the benefits of locking our cost, they want to renegade from their obligation.

The company is run by some big Malay tycoon (a Tan Sri by the way) who purportedly have connections with the highest level of leadership in the country. That's why he got the contract in the first place. I don't mind if you want to use whatever cable that you have to secure a contract (after all, this is MALAYSIA!), but please ensure that you deliver your goods!

Right now, my mind is full of expletives for this guy!

Why do people become unscrupulous? It doesn't mean that you have the right to be a bastard just because you have a lot of money and have friends in high places. I long for the good old days where people uphold moral values and do work honestly. I guess with these kind of people in the becoming part of circle of friends of the country's leadership, we can expect the behaviour to be the new theme for the country's generation. No wonder things are getting into more and more messy. Bastard friends influencing bastard leaders and thus breeds bastard followers.

I am totally fed-up with the world!

A sore purchase

When I was young, I dreamt of having a bungalow house, with a sizable garden surrounding it where I can played with my kids, whilst my wife watched us from a gazebo, sipping a cup of tea. That mental picture was solidly etched in my mind and for a moment, I thought I got that house when I stumble upon a development project. At that time, my wife was expecting our first child. I remember going to the developer's office to enquire about the project and I was overwhelmed with the number of prospective buyers swarming all over the officers. The fact that the project is a single storey bungalow project, with land area of approx. 4000 sqf and priced of circa RM140k, was too much to ask for. At first I was a bit wary but after getting assurance from the officers and the fact that the project was co-sponsored by the state government, we finally put a booking, thinking what we had was a steal . Hey, when you got a corner lot with an additional 2000 sqf of land, you have every right to grin all the way home. Unfortunately, the excitement stopped there.


I got the ominous feeling that things were not right from the point we sign the contract. Due to misrepresentation by the developer's officer, we have to sign several versions of the contract. We were first 'forced' to take the housing loan from one of the banks and the officer was pretty imposing (which I got this nagging suspicion that they may have internal contacts with the financier). In the end, they relented after we 'strongly' insisted of co-signing the purchase with my wife and threatened to cancel my purchase if they did not let us choose the financier of our choice. We actually have to go a little bit of drama just to pull it off. The final version of the contract was finally signed after my wife deliver our first son. I remember dragging my wife who were still under confinement then to go to the developer's office to finalise the documents.


Unbeknownst to us, the project faced a lot of obstacles throughout the entire construction period. The developer run into serious financial trouble and had to abandoned the project halfway . There was a series of discussion between the buyers, contractors and state government to revive the project, but after a brief revival, the project was left abandoned again. Most of the purchasers were faced with heavy financial burden. The best thing was, the loan drawdown have been up to 60% completion. Just look at these two pictures, did it look like the project has been 60% completed?






After a series of failed discussions, the purchasers have unanimously voted to take legal action against the developer and the state government, citing breach of contract and fraudulent practices. As we speak, the case is still pending.

Looking back, this remains one of the biggest sore in my life. I remember those days when I use to sit with my wife planning how we wanted to renovate the house, how we would want to decorate it bla, bla, bla... Sometimes, I would look again and again at the developer's brochure, daydreaming of how wonderful it will be to bring up your kids in such a beautiful environment. Now with all the things that have happened, I feel as if someone have stabbed me in the back, ripped my heart out and chopped it to pieces right in front my eyes, whilst I was laying down helplessly going through a slow and painful death.

At least I was not that bad, some purchasers runs into bankruptcy whilst some died of heartache. I truly pity these true and honest people who work hard in their entire life just to get houses of their dream, only to be cheated in the end. It got me thinking, why does this happen in the first place? I believe, somewhere, someone is benefiting from our misery. Nobody seems willing to own up to the problem. Didn't the people involved in the project have a least a little feeling of accountability to the buyers? Are they human in the first place? Are the leaders we choose truly worth the position they hold? Maybe, the recent general election is god's punishment to whomever were responsible for this. Since I don't want be charged with contempt of court, let the truth be told in court!

Technology and Deadlines

Did you notice that as technology expands, your work deadlines tend to be expedited. I remember when I first started work, your deadlines are usually due in weeks. Then, as I progress, the deadlines are based on days. Then, it goes by the hour. Today, I receive deadlines by the minutes. I guess the kind of stress that technology puts you in is not worth having the technology in the first place. That's why I don't use blackberry!

A sporty weekend

There are times where I just can't help thinking that for someone whom has passed the mid-thirties mark, I am as fit as a horse. My weekend is usually filled with sporting activities. Usually, it's badminton on Saturday with my family (wife and sons included), and tennis on Sunday with my tennis buddies.

Yesterday, I was playing badminton with my nephew (who coincidentally celebrated his 19th birthday yesterday - Happy Birthday SIB) and two of his early 20's friends. I must admit, I was nervous at first after seeing how young and energetic they are. In my mind, I reckon the match shall be over within minutes. To my surprise, I was the one running circles around them. Throughout the match, I was giving them a tough time with my smash, backhand drive, shot placement and tremendous netplay. I don't mean to brag, but I really can't remember whether I have ever been this good even during my young and healthier days. In the end, I won both matches after playing in rubber sets.

Today, in my tennis match, it was no exception. We had a match between me and my usual partner, Ozor and my other good buddies, Koosh and BroMat. When it comes to tennis, I always feel inferior compared to Koosh and Ozor (Koosh, Ozor and me were schoolmates). Koosh is well known for his consistent serves and volley game. He was a school player during our schooldays. Whilst Ozor has the most stinging backhand and service. As for me, I am a bit erratic. There are times when my serves was good but my backhand was crappy and there are days when it was the other way around. But most of the time, I was kind of crappy in both departments. I usually count on my forehand to hit winners. Knowing that I have a weak serve, I always avoided playing volley, choosing to happily pound the ball from baseline.

Anyway, back to my tennis match, Koosh and BroMat make strong pairings. Both of them are good in their serves and volleys. In the past, we have never been able to beat them. But I guess things are different today. From the very beginning, I have decided to play it differently. I was more offensive at the net. In fact, there were occasions where I played overhead volleys (a shot which I have never been able to master ever since I picked up tennis!). I was very pumped up through out the match and I guess my energy rubbed on Ozor as well, as he too produce some amazing shots throughout the entire match. I also serve aces twice. The match was very tight. In the end, we won the match in a tiebreaker. When I walk over to the net to shake their hands, I feel that I have conquered my inferiority towards Koosh and Ozor. I felt that I have arrived in their league, finally.

I began to realise that I may have conquered my inferiority a bit too much when I began to imagine of challenging Federer in a Grand Slam!

Excuse me, Madamme Luke!

Every now and then I always question my level of masculinity. In most circumstances, I displayed a lot of attribute of a woman. I have a lot of these weird womanly tendencies. I am a control freak, I can be a drama queen and make big scene out of small things, I like to watch beauty pageant (the best thing is I watch it with my wife), I like designing clothes for my wife, I take special interest in the make-up that my wife is using, as well as the clothes that she is wearing. I even controlled the kind of cloth materials that my wife is buying (but of course most of the time, I am the one buying for her). So far she didn't complain. I even help in the styling of my wife's tudung. (Good thing I didn't grow up to be a tranny!)

Maybe my 'feminine' tendency have a lot to do with my genetic make-up and the surrounding that I was brought up with. You see, I was born into a family dominated by women. And it does not help much that I am the youngest and being the only boy in the family. To make it worse, I came from Minangkabau tribe, a clan which is famously known for its adat perpatih, which gives superior treatment to women. My father was an army sergeant and most of the time he was not home. My late mom run and managed the house, with my three elder sisters acting as co-generals. It's like having one biological mother and three surrogate mothers. Most of my early interactions are with these women around me. My mom and sisters have very strong characters. They are very independent, which translate into their respective success nowadays. I admire all my sisters for their qualities.

I am very close to my sisters, so much so that we even do 'girl-ly' stuff together such as 'karaoke'ing and shopping. Talk about shopping. I looooveeeee shopping. I have special craving of buying clothes and groceries - especially pyjamas for my kids and buying raw fish. Every time when I go to market, my wife would have to restrain me from buying too many fish. Don't ask me where I got this craving from. I can explain for the fish craving since I know my late mom and my sisters like to buy fish. But for the pyjamas....I myself was not sure.

My first sister is a manager in an oil company. Being the most respected, she is like the pillar of the family always playing leading role in all major decision making in the family. She is quite temperamental and always ready to combat any verbal attack on her or her family. Boy, when she is provoked, she can rip you apart with her verbal attack. In fact, non of my relatives dare to defy her. Amidst all that, she is very kind-hearted and have soft-spot for people who need help.

My second sister is more mild mannered. She is a first-class honours degree unemployed, who is very contended of playing homemaker. She is like the one who glued the family together. She will always play the counsellor's role. In fact, all of us found it easier to confide in her our problems. But do not be fooled by her appearance. Once she is angry, she can totally shun you out of her life FOREVER!!

My third sister lives abroad and in education field. She lives abroad since 1985 and have not been permanently back since she got married to foreigner. She is a bit tom-boyish, yet the most pious in the family.

I guess my high regards for them have great influence in my character. In fact, I enjoy different types of relationship with my sisters. I would go to my first sister for advice relating to serious stuff. My second sister have this great tendency for spoiling me. If I want adventure, I would normally go to my third sister. The common thing that all my sisters have is their tendency to spoil me. They like to buy stuffs for me and cook my favourite dishes (this an obsession that all of them have which was duly inherited from my late mom!). I have to say, I am like being 'manja' by all of them. They are very protective of me.

I am truly grateful for being born in the family and I am truly grateful for the sisters I have. I love them very much. Thank you sis for being there for me. So what, if I have feminine tendencies! Remember this, if you dare make fun of me, I shall call upon my first sister to kick your ass. After all, I am still their most beloved kid brother :)

Aaarrrgghh!!!!!

I am currently doing a very critical project which have huge impact. The deadline is very very tight. Today we have a meeting on another project where I was invited for my awareness. The project is suppose to be driven by this guy named Mr JAK. Even before the meeting, I already have this ominous feeling that something will go wrong. Indeed it was!

During the meeting, Mr JAK convenient put his responsibility on my shoulder to produce something in order to meet a deadline. I hate this guy. He is one of those person in the organisation who knows how to talk but doesn't really know how to work. In the office, he is known for his 'teflon'-like ability. No matter what task is assigned to him, nothing sticks. Somehow he will manage to 'tai-chi' the work to someone else. The best thing is, he will happily take he credit if the task is done well, and also quick to blame others if the task turns out to be disastrous. How come some people can get away with murder?

I HATE THIS GUY!!!

Dejavu

Yesterday, one of my subordinates, SS called to ask for emergency leave. She mentioned that she has to see a doctor immediately to ascertain whether an 'ulcer' in her mouth could be cancerous. She did sound pretty scared but I assure her that this could be just a standard medical routine. Ironically, whilst giving her the re-assurance, my heart almost drop when I hear the news. The thoughts of her having cancer and eventually losing her came racing through my mind. She is still young, with brilliant mind and has great potential. In fact, I am grooming her to be my successor.

The news does affect my whole day yesterday. I can't believe this is happening again. I began to remember the incidents that happen 5 years ago when a close friend of mine, TT broke the news of having cancer after having similar symptoms. At that point, I was taken aback, but I was still full of positivity then that I naively believe that he can overcome this and recover from it. The truth was, he died last year after battling the cancer for the last 3 years.

My friendship with TT did not start amicably. He was my superior and I hate his guts. I found that he is very bossy, argumentative and such a control freak. He liked to give sarcastic remarks and always dumped a lot of work on me. We were even labelled by our colleagues and our bosses as anjing dan kucing, simply because whenever we are together, we always end-up arguing. Despite all this, we are still able to maintain a cordial and professional working relationship. Deep down, I always admire him for his intelligence. There were times when it is just impossible to outsmart him.

I began to see the other side of TT after one incident when I was facing huge personal problem. When I confide to him (which he prompted after series of mediocre work from me), he had shown tremendous support. He was quick to offer me words of encouragement for me to bravely faced the challenges. Then I realise that TT has such a huge heart. In addition, I also began to note that despite all the harsh comments that he threw at me, he was always fair in his performance appraisal of me. In fact, a little bird told me that during a closed-door discussion, he was fighting hard for my promotion. I owe my professional development a lot to him.

We lose contact when he left the company to work overseas. Every now and then, I thought of contacting him but couldn't bring myself to the phone due to work demands. One night, one of my friend text me about TT's obituary in one of the local newspaper. I was really devastated. He was just 36. I attended his funeral to give him the last respect. During the last 8 month before his demise, he was hospitalised in a hospital just behind my house. I could have visited him and lend the support, had I picked up the phone and called him earlier. I felt very guilty. I feel I have failed as a good friend. How I wish I could reciprocate his kind gestures.

I do have similar relationship with SS, except this time I was the boss. I have to admit that I was very hard on her. Despite my high demand and tight deadlines, she managed to deliver. Perhaps this little incident should remind me that perhaps, it's about time for me to go easy on her. She told me that she would know the results by next week. Whilst I gave her some re-assuring words, I feel that I need some reassurance myself. The thoughts of TT keeps playing in my head repeatedly. I don't think I want to go through this all over again.

Rebel without a cause

Have you ever been in the situation where you get angry with someone only to realise that it was not the person's fault in the first place? How do you deal with it? I had the experience yesterday when I go home and see that my wife's car (which was parked outside the house) was not locked and the rear doors was wide open. This was not the first time it happened. Being a drama 'queen', I start scolding everybody in the house (my wife is not spared) on the need to be careful bla..bla..bla.. and I continue giving long lectures and making a big scene out of it. I can see the feeling of guilt written all over my wife's and my son's face. (prior to that there was a case of break-ins at my neighbour's house). Throughout the evening, the situation in the house was pretty intense. Suddenly I am experiencing a rare moment of silence in the house.

During Maghrib time, I went to take my wudhu' in the bathroom only to find out there's water overflowing all over the bathroom floor. Still bengang from the earlier incident, I start scolding one of my sons (who used the bathroom before me) for not turning off the tap after using it. My son initially denied the accusation and say that he did turned off the tap, which further aggravated my anger. During the moment, I was making a snap judgment that not only he had done wrong, he lied about it. As I was about to give him another series of scolding (by the way, he was also the guilty party in the earlier incident), I found out the overflowing water was not from the tap but actually from the washing machine which was running at that time.

I was speechless. Then my son broke the brief silence by laughing heartily. Of course, I did join in after realising how funny the whole situation is (and also to mask my embarrassment) .

Looking back, I learn a very valuable lesson yesterday. I was harbouring over an incident, 'preying' over my son for a mistake that he did and not willing to let go. Yet, my son was quick to forgive me for the mistake that I do to him. Maybe, I should learn to take things easy a little bit. Oh, did I mention that my son was just six years old?

Losing a teammate

In 2 days time, one of my office colleague is leaving the company. It always saddens me to see a friend leaving the company for the wrong reasons. She is smart and ever willing to help whenever you need it. We have been in several dealings as teammates and I must say we make a darn good team. Once, we are in this highly controversial dealings that it takes a 'higher' power in the country to intervene to get pass us. At that time, we can't help but feel we must be the most powerful dynamic duo in the corporate world. Both of us share similar interest - spinning, dancing, exercising and of course, work (to a point of being workaholic!), yet I was luckier than her in terms of professional life since she has to report to this a**hole whom for whatever reasons, have this inferiority complex issues.

I know I am going to miss having her around but I guess, one got to do what one got to do. Superchica - I hope you keep on with your mission to save the world.

Count your blessing

Don't we all experience at least one day in your life that you seems to have everything in the world? Yesterday, I was lazying around on my bed watching a DVD from my laptop (yes, I am one of those people who does not have a DVD player in the house!). Then my wife joined me on the bed watching the DVD. Then, my kids join us in the room and started playing and making noises in the room. Whilst my eyes was totally glued to the small screen on my laptop (and amidst the multi-decibel noise around me), I can't help but feel I must be one of the most blessed person in the world. I have a good career, great family and sufficient material possessions that enable us to live pretty comfortably. What else could I ask for. I have to say, god has been very, very kind to me. Some people might view this as complacency, but I see that being satisfied of what you have is god's most wonderful gift to human being.

Many a times we tend to compare ourselves with others using material possessions as the yardstick. Whereas, true blessings comes in all forms. The fact that I have a good babysitter to take care of my kids, a kind 'pakcik' to send and fetch my kids to/from schools, a very understanding wife who takes care of me and my kids very well, and three wonderful boys that look up to you as if you are this superhero who has answers to everything in the world, has all contributed to me having this serene state of mind. I wonder how many of us really see the world from this point of view. The next time when you feel you are short compared to others, please remember this - count your blessing!

Why do we have to be mean?

I have a call from colleague this morning. It was not what I had expected on an early Monday morning, especially when you are struggling to keep your head up after having such a good time during weekend. My colleague was speaking in a rather exasperating tone and with a high pitch voice to match her dissatisfaction over some queries that I put to her.

After talking for awhile, I don't really see a point to be exasperated in the first place. It was a harmless queries intended to get a better picture before I give a reply to a business user. Yes, the business user herself was trying to be sneaky with her request, but that does not mean that one has to be mean and give insulting comment. After all, we are colleagues and I am trying to get some facts. I have notice that this particularly colleague of mine has a tendency to be either sarcastic or condescending towards me and my team. As far as I can recall, I have never done such thing to her. Whilst I have my utmost respect for her, I can't help but wondering did she has something against me. I would think that in most occasions, I was very cordial and in fact very helpful to her.

I guess, maybe I was too helpful that she begins to take me and my team for granted. Maybe, I should be more selfish towards her. But hey, that's not me!!

This gives me the opportunity to reflect, why does people tend to be mean to people who are generally nice to them. Is it because they felt it was comfortable to do so with that person compared to somebody else whom they do not have a cordial relationship with? Many a times we tend to take things for granted. I have to admit, I too do that sometimes, especially to my wife (who, despite not really admitting it to her face, I really appreciate her for the wonderful person she is). Maybe we all should evaluate our mode of relationship with people around us. Do we accord the people around us with the right 'mode' of relationship? Is being mean is another way of saying that I appreciate you? Strange....

Life's Priority

It's funny how's one perspective can change as you grow older. When I was in my early professional life, I used to think that turning in a good work is of utmost importance in life. There's nothing more sweeter to hear when your boss tells you what a great job you have done, or in the case of some 'hard-to-please' boss, a mere approving glance that exudes he or she is delighted with your work. On the other hand, there's nothing more devastating than getting harsh criticism for your work. I dreaded when people think I am a useless goons.

Nowadays, other people's opinion doesn't matter anymore. I have come to a place that I was so secure with my own ability that I don't need anybody to endorse whether I am a good worker or not. And I found this very assuring. In fact, I have found little things such as spending time with your children or playing some silly bubble blowing game with your kids can be so much more satisfying than say clinching some multi-million dollar deal.

I guess this is part of maturity.

Light at the end of the Tunnel

Today, after toiling for almost two and a half month over a project, I am beginning to see the light at the end of the tunnel. There's a quiet satisfaction whenever I am able to figure out what to do with a project. When I first took the project, I have no idea what I am getting myself into. Imagine having to clear the shit that was created decades ago.

One of the self-revelation that I got when I took this project is that I learn that I can do almost anything if I put my mind to it. The project was not even my forte. I guess the fact that I am getting out of my comfort zone had made me more self conscious about my work and thus making me putting extra effort in order to avoid disastrous outcome. The project is not yet completed, but at least, I am seeing the end of it.

But true to the corporate life, one project ends, another one started. My next project is going to be even bigger. I am beginning to think maybe I should be redesignated as 'corporate janitor'. I clean up after somebody else's excrement!

Tonight I am really looking forward to going back early and enjoy the company of my wife and kids. i treat this as my mini celebration.

Nevertheless, something did spoil my day for today - Roger Federer loses AGAIN!! what's up with that guy?

Attitudes

I am still in the office finishing up a long overdue project. I can see some of my project team members are already getting very annoyed with my demands. I guess this people just doesn't know what's good for them.

I am pretty appalled with the level of dedication of young generations nowadays. Makes me think back when I was a young person, just starting work. The kind of shit that my superior puts on to me are sometimes unbearable - but I keep on soldiering on because I know, there's just a lot of things that I need to learn in order to be a better professional in future.

Young kids nowadays wants everything to be easy and thought of for them. Well, if they work with me, they wouldn't get them. I believe in 'torturing' my staff so that they know how to survive on their own based on their own capabilities.

Finally!!

I have finally open my own blog! What an achievement. I have been pondering about creating my personal blog for a long time but being a procrastinator myself, I never got to it. Well, at least today I have done something.