In the mood

It's been a while that I haven't updated my blog. Not that I don't want to but because I cannot afford to spare the time. Even when I do have time, I was not in the mood because of the exhaustion I felt from the many multiple tasks and projects that I am handling now. Some of my friends has been pestering me to update my blog (okay superchica, I am doing it now!).

However, today, I am in the mood to update something. Mainly because:

1) Roger Federer won the US Open
2) I found back my close friend from my alma mater - Mr Cicakman
3) My sons have been fasting thus far
4) I have yet to miss my 'terawih' to date
5) I have just celebrated my 10th anniversary last Friday
6) Things seems to be under better control and more stable at work
7) I have finished shopping for my kids Hari Raya clothings

So much of good things has happen to me for the last few days that I guess it warrants some entry in the blog.

Thank you GOD for ALL the blessings that you have given me and my family. At times, I felt that GOD has been super-generous with me, to the point that I felt I don't really deserve them. But I guess He knows best.

I think I am going for a new goal in life. Perhaps to win my first tennis Grand Slam at the age of 40?

Major disappointment

I was truly upset with my son Luke yesterday. Not only because he lied to his mother and me about him bringing ALL his piggy bank savings to school yesterday, but also because of his intention to show off to his friends how much money he has.

I felt really, really disappointed because Honesty and Humility are few of the virtues that I uphold very very closely in my heart. When I was young I have seen too much of lying and 'self-promotion'/arrogance around me to the extent that I will naturally react with repelling behaviour towards those who lacked such qualities. The thing is, I just cannot believe that my son was doing it. Of course he got some very major scolding from me but that does not compensate for the disappointment I felt.

To make things worse, he was almost 'mugged' by one of the school bullies at school, whom I suspect, could have seen him holding that much money.

The truth is, I am more disappointed with myself for not being able to pass down the virtues well to my kids. Maybe, I have not been praying hard enough to God for my kids to embrace these virtues.

Family Vacation Part 2 (Kembali ke Alam Nyata!)

My family and I arrived in KUL at approximately 14oo hours today. Well all I can say was it was truly an enjoyable trip. My wife and I went shopping in Tanah Abang, a place where you can find cloth and materials (as well as head scarf and embroidered clothing) dirt cheap! My wife and I also pamper ourselves with facial treatment, body massage and reflexology at a price that was beyond value for money, and our kids got to attend a two-hour tennis coaching lessons (together with ball-boy services) at a mere RM35. To top it all, we got ourselves to stay in a Grand Deluxe room and a mere one-third of the published rate. Man, do we live like king in Jakarta! In the end, all of us came back with glee, probably the after effect from the 'euphoria' we experienced.

The family having a good time at DuFan (Dunia Fantasi)

The thing is, I am quite impressed with Jakarta. My wife was a bit apprehensive when I mentioned to her that I wanted to take the whole family to Jakarta for a vacation. In her mind, she always thought that the place is unsafe, dirty etc a.k.a not worth visiting. I don't blame her because she did not have a pleasant experience the first time she went there back in 2000. But to me Jakarta is far more interesting to visit than KL - hands down.

The kids frolicking at the hotel's bath tub

Apart from being able to enjoy the luxuries at a mere fraction of a price here in KL, the workmanship of the people is impeccable. and meticulous. For example, the masseuse are more skilled than those in KL. I can really compare this based on my first hand experienced. In fact, I was very impressed with the progress of my kids tennis skills after just a 2 hours session with the local coach. I was surprised to see Nique being able to strike the ball clean after just being coached for 10 minutes. This I can compare with the results I got when I tried to coach them myself.

Luke, Nique and Ash at Tennis Coaching Session

Now we are back to the real world. As I write, my kids were sleeping, clearly exhausted from the trip. In my mind, I am already planning my next visit.

At the hotel

Note: There are still things that you need to be wary of when visiting JKT. Thus, you should always seek advice from people who visit the place regularly.

Family Vacation Part 1 (Selamat Berlibur!)

I am in Jakarta when I type this entry. I have to say, the vacation didn't start quite well. Yesterday morning when I arrived at the airport, I was offloaded because the flight was overbooked. As a result, my family and I have to wait for 4 hours for the next flight. Then, the flight was delayed because of late arrival of the previous flight. I have to wait for another 1 hour before we departed to Jakarta. When I arrived, I found out that I lost my handphone. I could've left it either in the plane or at the waiting lounge prior to departure. When I checked-in at the hotel, I found out that the room provided to me did not come with the internet connection.

The thing is, apart of all the thing that happened, I was indeed very satisfied. Not for what has happened but more of how I have reacted to all this. Instead of throwing tantrums and making scenes out of all these (which I always have the tendency to do it), I have risen above them all and reacted using my head and not my emotions.

Starting with the incident at the airport, instead of uttering expletives at the officer at the counter, I managed to remain calm and talk rationally to the guys. And you know what, I was suddenly able to calm myself further. I was overwhelmed with this tingling sensation arising from the effect of being nice to people. I can see how appreciative the officers to me and because of that, I was offered free coupons for my breakfast and lunch (usually, one is entitled for one meal vouchers only). Then during internet incidence, I negotiated my way with the hotel officers and guess what, I was given free internet instead. As for my handphone incidence, I managed to email my assistant at the office and she managed to do the necessary for me. In the end, I end up having a very good time with my family.

One thing I learnt that I would not be able to do all this had I did not do the most IMPORTANT thing when adversity occurred....the ability to let things go. Many a times the main cause for our anger, anguish and disappointment is the fact that we are too hung up on what HAS happened rather than concentrating to ensure things happen the way we wanted it. The rule is simple, negativity breeds negativity whilst positivity neutralised negativity and makes things back to equilibrium. I know this may sound a bit too philosophical but could you imagine what would have happened if I reacted differently to all the above situations. I could have ended up having the worst family vacation ever. At the moment, my family and I are having good times doing shopping and sightseeing in Jakarta.

I guess GOD has blessed me with true happiness.

Alhamdulillah...

Playing with Emotions

One thing I love about fatherhood is that you get to bully your kids anytime, anywhere you like. When it comes to teasing my kids, I am a true expert. Nique, for example, can easily succumb to the power of suggestions. Tell him anything and he would believe it. Ash on the other hand, is easily manipulated everytime you 'fake' your crying. But when it comes to Luke, it is totally a different ball game. Luke is a bit more steady and guarded when it comes to his emotions. You don't easily break him and he also doesn't easily believe things either. His power of observation is so strong that you have to be really, really consistent to make him succumb to your suggestions.

Just now, I manage to break him :) As we are preparing to go to Jakarta, I have constantly told him that he will not be joining us because of his poor exam results (well Luke is not as academically gifted as Nique). I started to pull him into the game about 5 weeks ago. First, I started by showing that I didn't buy him his plane tickets (which I actually did). Next, I kept on repeating that I shall be leaving him with either at my sister house or his nanny's place. Every now and then, I would drop little hints that he will not be joining us for the trip. The thing is, he was pretty cool about it. Throughout the period, he did not show much feelings towards what I said. I must say, he seems to be taking the news a bit too well.

My moment of triumph came just now. Because he likes to tease Nique, I finally told him that I would consider bringing him along if Nique allows him to. I would have thought that Nique would be taking is time to see if Luke would be nicer to him but Nique, being the soft-hearted kid he is, has finally admitted to me that he would like Luke to join us for the trip as well. I guess my plan hit a little setback. Then this afternoon, I told Luke that since Nique is okay with him joining, he still has to beat me in Foosball three times in a row in order to earn the trip. I can see how determined Luke was in trying to win the game. In fact, he won the first two games fairly easily (actually the kid is darn good!). The third game was a closer tie. The suspense was as good as any Hindi movie that you would normally watch. Every time, Luke scored a goal, I would score mine right after. At the score of 5-5, Luke finally manage to pull away when he got the next 2 consecutive goals (by the way, you need to score 9 goals to win the game). I guess, nerves has finally got the best of him when, out of nowhere, I managed to score 4 goals in a row. As he conceded defeat, his eyes started to well up. I, on the other hand, began to rub it in with my gloating. He finally broke down in tears. I think he was truly, truly disappointed. His cousin, Ann who happen to be around began to console him but he was truly heartbroken.

As I when up to my room and tell the tale to my wife, I began to think that maybe this time I went a bit too far. My wife pointed how childish I have been to pull a stunt like that on a nine-year old. I guess she's right too. I was more interested in breaking his 'macho' persona without realising that how much I have hurt him. After I have finished typing the final sentence of this entry, I would go down and offer to have another foosball game with him and this time, I would let him win this time. My wife told me why can't I just tell him that he can go, without going through this silly mind games. I told her......"Where's the fun in that?!"

I really, really ought to be ashame of myself!!

Luke, Nique and Ash being my prank victims....he...he....he...

Vacation mood

This week has been very hectic for me at work. Since Tuesday, I have been back to back meetings and discussions where some even finished at 11pm. I must say, I was working my ass off this week trying to clear outstanding things as much as possible. You may wonder where did I get the motivation to sustain such high level of energy. The answer...long overdue family vacation. Next week I am going to Jakarta with my family. It's been awhile since we last have our vacation. Can't wait to go there with my family. Definitely I am going to enjoysssssss!!!!!

Mixed Feelings

Yesterday, my eldest son Luke was having a whole day affair at his school. The school was celebrating Teacher's Day in the morning and in the afternoon, he had to attend a special programme 'Kem Bestari Solat' a programme carried out by the school to teach the pupils the proper way of prayers. I know Luke was fond of these things. Even at a tender age of 9, he has already displayed traces of leadership quality. He likes to participate in co-curricular activities as well as any initiatives carried out by the school. As far as I can remember, he was always elected either to be the class monitor or assistant monitor ever since he was in kindergarten. I am very proud of him because of the independence and high level of accountability displayed by him. In fact, I could see the passion he had whenever he is involved in these types of activities. I couldn't remember whether I was as active as he is when I was at his age.

However, I was a bit upset with him yesterday. Apparently, during the mid-break between his morning session and the afternoon session, he had left school and join his friends to perform Friday prayers at a nearby Mosque. In a way, I felt proud because he makes the decision and do what he wanted to do. I always like to encourage my kids to make decisions and do what they feel is right. However, in doing this, he has ignored my caution to him about going to places where there is no adult supervision. With the kind of things happening to kids these days, there is no telling what can happen. I did give him the scolding afterwards but deep down, I was a little proud of him. My son is becoming a man at such an early age. But then again, I cannot ignore the fact that things could happen the other way round. In the end, how do you balance between instilling independence in your kids but at the same time protecting them from the dangers surrounding them. I have seen the two extreme methods that my sisters adopt in handling their kids. One is a bit laid-back and in the end the child grew up to be undisciplined whilst the other is too protective that they become too needy and dependent on my sister.

At the moment, I don't know where I stand. Only time will tell.

Luke in one of his school's activities

Missing you....

Mother's days is just around the corner. You can hear over the radio there are contests on who can come out with the best wishes, on-the air-greetings by children to their wonderful moms, appreciation speech etc.

Yesterday, whilst I was driving home, I heard this lady was talking about her mother and how wonderful her mom was. It was such a beautiful dedication that it touches my heart and I started to get all teary-eyed. As I keep on listening to her speech, I began to feel that she was actually describing my mom!

You see, my mom was brought up in rural area. Her father did odd jobs to support the family. She has 9 siblings and a crippled mother who suffered from stroke. When she reaches her adolescence, she defy the traditional norm and began working in a rubber estate just to help support the family. My mother had always been known for her strong character and her firmness. Despite her tough exterior, she has one of the very soft heart in the world. She was genuinely caring and always willing to go extra mile to help those in needs. I can see all her characteristics embodies into my eldest sister (though she vehemently denied this!).

My mother loves cooking. I may be seen as tooting my own horn, but to me she is the best cook in the world especially when it come to traditional dishes. Whenever there was big wedding do in our neighbourhood, she will always be called to cook the dishes. I must say, my mom was not only a good cook, she also possessed very strong managerial qualities as well. She always like to maintain high standards in her work and can get violently impatient towards shoddy workmanship. She also had very low tolerance level towards people who delay and slow at doing things. When I was young, I couldn't understand why she has to behave very violently whenever I make mistakes, but now when I look back, all the things that she did had conditioned me to be who I am now.

Though my mom was not a very physical person, you can feel the warmth and her compassion towards you with the things that she was willing to go through just to make sure her kids get everything they deserved. She will braved government agencies to ensure her kids will get a scholarship, she was always there whenever there were ceremonies to celebrate our achievements, in short she always put our priority first. It is pity that sometimes us kids were unappreciative to the things that she did for us.

Even with her grandchildren, she was always very generous with them. My kids adored her so much and will always eager to go to her place. In fact, they like her 'bedak sejuk' session so much that until to day, they still use the same 'bedak sejuk' after taking their bath. (My mom will always put the bedak sejuk - a kind of traditional facial powder to her kids and grandchildren every time after bath time. I used to hate this when I was young as it makes you look ugly - but somehow luke and nique loved it so much!)

As I was typing this entry, I didn't realise that tears began flowing down my cheek for I can never get to greet my mom 'Happy Mother's Day" anymore.

Al-fatihah...... to my late mom and thank you for all the wonderful things that you have done for me. I really, really miss you!

Boys will be boys

Ever since I was small I always wanted a Foosball table, the one that was featured in Chandler's and Joey's apartment in Friends sitcom. However, I always hesitated to get one thinking that I will have no one in the house to play it with. The opportunity presented when Nique, my second son pleading me to buy one when we went out shopping at Subang Parade yesterday. Looking at how eager he was justifying his request, my heart melted and decided to buy the Foosball for him.

When I got back to my house, I started to assemble the thing and I felt I have achieve a great accomplishment when I managed to assemble the whole thing by myself (actually, I don't mind boasting about this as I am not known for my carpentry skills!).

I played with my sons and wife and I have to say we had a great deal of fun. In fact, I think I was the more exciting one. Even Ash, my youngest son is quite apt in the game. Luke, my eldest is playing like a pro. He put me into shame when he repeatedly beat me in 3 successive games. At one point, I have to resort to cheating just to win a goal from him (shame on me!).

Luke & Nique participating in MotoGP

The game brought out the boy in me and for a moment, I don't see myself as a father but more like a playmate to my kids. I reverted to my fatherhood mode when Nique and Luke began quarrelling and fighting over the game! It was then I realise that there is an expiry period for adults to enjoy a moment boyhood.

The Perfect 10

Yesterday, I managed to get my butt off and drive all the way to Raub, to attend my wife's cousin wedding. Usually I hate driving long distance (I know, I know Raub is only 2 hours away but to me, anything that requires more than 1 hour driving is a torture!), but because of this is a close cousin of my wife, I feel obliged to accompany her.

When I look at the groom, I began to reminisce the first time I saw him. It was during my wedding about 10 years ago. I can't believe time have passed so fast. I felt like I was just married 2 days ago. I guess when you enjoy each other's company, time surely swift pass you faster than Lewis Hamilton in his McLaren's.

This year, I am celebrating my 10th anniversary. I feel blessed for having such a wonderful and blessed marriage and for having three wonderful boys who continuously make me feel life is worth living. I always look forward to see how my children grow and how much my relationship with my wife has gone from strength to strength. Sure we have our share of ups and downs, but as far as I can remember, there are more fond memories. Even in the period of adversity, our relationship came out stronger than ever.

I really believe that the key to happiness is about accepting who your spouse is and your spouse accepting you as who you are. I am glad that I married my wife even though before the wedding I have my doubts considering how different both of us were. I guess, the risk is worth taking. I would have never known what happiness is all about had I decided not to pursue her. I am one hell of a lucky bloke!

A lovely relationship.

I always enjoy having conversation with my wife. Usually our topics covers friends, family members, work, frustrations and of course kids. Just now, she talks about one incident involving a childish behaviour of her office mate whom was dissatisfied over some office seating. And throughout the conversation, I listened to her very intently, enjoying her animated gestures and her run-of-the-mill commentary. In my mind, I felt that I can live with this for a hundred more years. Seriously, I do enjoy having a chat with my wife.

I always know when we got married, she is the perfect partner for me. I have to say that even though our personality is of total opposites, we do have a lot of shared interests together (and usually, these are the kind of things that people would say they are uncharacteristic of us). We like to shop, I enjoy designing her clothes, she enjoys me designing her clothes, she enjoys talking about her friends to me and I enjoy listening to them, we like the same TV shows, I like tennis and she adores Rafael Nadal (up to a point that I can't help but thinking that they might have some secret affair behind my back). In fact, one true character that we share is that our friends find us trustworthy. The amount of people's secret that me & my wife know can turn the country into a series of 'Dynasty' episodes (for those who were born post 1980's, this is a soap filled with scandals, corruption and betrayals).

My wife is quite an introvert person. She would have a small circle of friends whom she is very close with. People will normally associate her with aloofness. However, the good thing about her is that she is good at maintaining friendship. I, on the other hand, is the 'put-everything-out-there' kind of guy. I am always at ease in meeting strangers and always able to strike any kind of conversation. It seems that I can talk about any topics in the world. But the thing is I am very poor at maintaining friendship. Other than my wife, I can't seem to thank any of my current close friends whom I know more than 5 years. It seems that I can only maintain my friendship if I marry into one, which is exactly what I did. My wife is my best friend since the university days and we remain best friends till now. I think to be able to enjoy each other's company and always have good conversation are pillars to strong and solid relationship. I am glad that I married her, otherwise, I would have lost a very very good friend. Now, you wouldn't what that to happen to you, would you?

Excuse me, Madamme Luke!

Every now and then I always question my level of masculinity. In most circumstances, I displayed a lot of attribute of a woman. I have a lot of these weird womanly tendencies. I am a control freak, I can be a drama queen and make big scene out of small things, I like to watch beauty pageant (the best thing is I watch it with my wife), I like designing clothes for my wife, I take special interest in the make-up that my wife is using, as well as the clothes that she is wearing. I even controlled the kind of cloth materials that my wife is buying (but of course most of the time, I am the one buying for her). So far she didn't complain. I even help in the styling of my wife's tudung. (Good thing I didn't grow up to be a tranny!)

Maybe my 'feminine' tendency have a lot to do with my genetic make-up and the surrounding that I was brought up with. You see, I was born into a family dominated by women. And it does not help much that I am the youngest and being the only boy in the family. To make it worse, I came from Minangkabau tribe, a clan which is famously known for its adat perpatih, which gives superior treatment to women. My father was an army sergeant and most of the time he was not home. My late mom run and managed the house, with my three elder sisters acting as co-generals. It's like having one biological mother and three surrogate mothers. Most of my early interactions are with these women around me. My mom and sisters have very strong characters. They are very independent, which translate into their respective success nowadays. I admire all my sisters for their qualities.

I am very close to my sisters, so much so that we even do 'girl-ly' stuff together such as 'karaoke'ing and shopping. Talk about shopping. I looooveeeee shopping. I have special craving of buying clothes and groceries - especially pyjamas for my kids and buying raw fish. Every time when I go to market, my wife would have to restrain me from buying too many fish. Don't ask me where I got this craving from. I can explain for the fish craving since I know my late mom and my sisters like to buy fish. But for the pyjamas....I myself was not sure.

My first sister is a manager in an oil company. Being the most respected, she is like the pillar of the family always playing leading role in all major decision making in the family. She is quite temperamental and always ready to combat any verbal attack on her or her family. Boy, when she is provoked, she can rip you apart with her verbal attack. In fact, non of my relatives dare to defy her. Amidst all that, she is very kind-hearted and have soft-spot for people who need help.

My second sister is more mild mannered. She is a first-class honours degree unemployed, who is very contended of playing homemaker. She is like the one who glued the family together. She will always play the counsellor's role. In fact, all of us found it easier to confide in her our problems. But do not be fooled by her appearance. Once she is angry, she can totally shun you out of her life FOREVER!!

My third sister lives abroad and in education field. She lives abroad since 1985 and have not been permanently back since she got married to foreigner. She is a bit tom-boyish, yet the most pious in the family.

I guess my high regards for them have great influence in my character. In fact, I enjoy different types of relationship with my sisters. I would go to my first sister for advice relating to serious stuff. My second sister have this great tendency for spoiling me. If I want adventure, I would normally go to my third sister. The common thing that all my sisters have is their tendency to spoil me. They like to buy stuffs for me and cook my favourite dishes (this an obsession that all of them have which was duly inherited from my late mom!). I have to say, I am like being 'manja' by all of them. They are very protective of me.

I am truly grateful for being born in the family and I am truly grateful for the sisters I have. I love them very much. Thank you sis for being there for me. So what, if I have feminine tendencies! Remember this, if you dare make fun of me, I shall call upon my first sister to kick your ass. After all, I am still their most beloved kid brother :)

Rebel without a cause

Have you ever been in the situation where you get angry with someone only to realise that it was not the person's fault in the first place? How do you deal with it? I had the experience yesterday when I go home and see that my wife's car (which was parked outside the house) was not locked and the rear doors was wide open. This was not the first time it happened. Being a drama 'queen', I start scolding everybody in the house (my wife is not spared) on the need to be careful bla..bla..bla.. and I continue giving long lectures and making a big scene out of it. I can see the feeling of guilt written all over my wife's and my son's face. (prior to that there was a case of break-ins at my neighbour's house). Throughout the evening, the situation in the house was pretty intense. Suddenly I am experiencing a rare moment of silence in the house.

During Maghrib time, I went to take my wudhu' in the bathroom only to find out there's water overflowing all over the bathroom floor. Still bengang from the earlier incident, I start scolding one of my sons (who used the bathroom before me) for not turning off the tap after using it. My son initially denied the accusation and say that he did turned off the tap, which further aggravated my anger. During the moment, I was making a snap judgment that not only he had done wrong, he lied about it. As I was about to give him another series of scolding (by the way, he was also the guilty party in the earlier incident), I found out the overflowing water was not from the tap but actually from the washing machine which was running at that time.

I was speechless. Then my son broke the brief silence by laughing heartily. Of course, I did join in after realising how funny the whole situation is (and also to mask my embarrassment) .

Looking back, I learn a very valuable lesson yesterday. I was harbouring over an incident, 'preying' over my son for a mistake that he did and not willing to let go. Yet, my son was quick to forgive me for the mistake that I do to him. Maybe, I should learn to take things easy a little bit. Oh, did I mention that my son was just six years old?