In the mood

It's been a while that I haven't updated my blog. Not that I don't want to but because I cannot afford to spare the time. Even when I do have time, I was not in the mood because of the exhaustion I felt from the many multiple tasks and projects that I am handling now. Some of my friends has been pestering me to update my blog (okay superchica, I am doing it now!).

However, today, I am in the mood to update something. Mainly because:

1) Roger Federer won the US Open
2) I found back my close friend from my alma mater - Mr Cicakman
3) My sons have been fasting thus far
4) I have yet to miss my 'terawih' to date
5) I have just celebrated my 10th anniversary last Friday
6) Things seems to be under better control and more stable at work
7) I have finished shopping for my kids Hari Raya clothings

So much of good things has happen to me for the last few days that I guess it warrants some entry in the blog.

Thank you GOD for ALL the blessings that you have given me and my family. At times, I felt that GOD has been super-generous with me, to the point that I felt I don't really deserve them. But I guess He knows best.

I think I am going for a new goal in life. Perhaps to win my first tennis Grand Slam at the age of 40?

Commitment

After working for more than 10 years, I have been told by a colleague that I have actually contracted with a kind of 'professional' disease. I was informed that I have issues with commitment. The thing is, my issues is not about my unwillingness to commit, but it was to the other extreme. Apparently, I am overcommitted. Because of this, many perceived my enthusiasm and overcommitment as aggression, harshness, disrespectfulness and some even claim as sheer arrogance.

The think is, I don't think I am like that at all. I have to say I do have a very high energy level (of which, I don't think my wife would agree given how much contribution I had when it comes to house chores), but I am truly concern about delivering what people expect you to it. I have this inexplicable tendencies to please people with my work. I mean, when people expect certain deliverables out of me, I put my utmost passion into the tasks that I sometimes tend to be aggressive if things does go my way.

Maybe it's about time to tone down. I am getting older......

I am tired!!!

For the past couple of days, a lot of people has been making remarks on me saying that I look tired. I too feel the exhaustion and after pondering for a while, it dawns on me what really makes me feel tired. So here goes...

I am tired of solving other people's problem. Don't they think that they too have brains that I am sure, if given just some marginal effort, it can work too.

I am tired of people having high expectation on me. Don't they know that I am only a human being and it doesn't mean that whenever my name is in the team, all problems can be solved!

I am tired of being the 'Aunt Agony' of people around me. Don't they realise that I too have problems on my own that even I don't know who I confide my innermost fears and insecurities.

I am tired of making decisions for people who do not want to do so out of pure hesitance of taking accountability should things got screwed up. Don't they ever wonder how they should be earning all those monthly credits to their bank account and what it really means.

I am tired of being nice to people whom they themselves are not nice to other people. Do they really expect that people can still be nice to you despite you being a total a***hole to them?

I am tired of having to justify all of my actions to people while some a**hole can get away with murder. Don't they see that when I do things, I always put my best intentions for them. Just because you have had bad experience and you can generally labeled everybody as conman!

Finally, I am tired of being tired for all these things. Why don't people just leave me alone. So everybody just get the f***-off of my back.

The End!

Headless Chicken, that's me!

Ever since I got back from my family vacation, I have been running around like headless chicken. Suddenly, there are so many things to be done in such a short time. To make things worst, I am currently involved in two concurrently high profile, tight-deadline projects involving highly sensitive areas. In fact, I just came back from a week long outstation stint, which eventually left me truly exhausted yesterday.

Today, as I entered into my office, a string of people is queueing to see me. In a way, I felt like the most sought after person in the company, but in many ways, I felt I am being exploited by my company to deliver what others cannot deliver.

I think I better start pondering my 'martyr'-like approach in my work because, I am feeling a lot of people in taking credit of my work. Not that I mind it that much, but when it was done blatantly in front of your face, you can't help but get annoyed for such display of arrogance.

Yesterday, I got a good man-to-man session with my nephew, Ifus, on the virtues of corporate life and the thing that you need to do to progress in your career. Now, I think I need to reevaluate the advice given....

Its just too much!!

I am close to reaching my breaking point today. Early this morning, I started my day with wild ramblings and scolding to my staff, followed by exchange of nasty emails and heated tele-conversation with people in my department. I just can't stand it when people are taking their own sweet time to do their jobs, and on top of that conveniently pass the buck to others. I guess my temperamental showdown this morning works as I began to see things are moving again.

Then, the pressure of handling voluminous (and sometimes ridiculous) requests from other departments again makes me losing my cool. Sometimes I wonder where does all these thick people comes from? Can't they understanding simple instructions? We are in the midst of cost control mode and yet they still have the cheek to ask for extravagance. I could swear that for a brief moment, I was close to utter a couple of 'f***-off's to them.

I am truly under a tremendous pressure lately. My deadlines are way overdue, my team seems to be moving at a snail pace, other people doesn't seems to be cooperative, there are issues accumulating as several of my projects progress, whilst at personally level, I still have these chores to do for m family and my relative. I don't think I can handle this anymore. I am NOT a superhero!!

And to top it all, I just found out that my name was due for international postings and it was stopped because my boss does not want to release me. Apparently, I have yet to complete my projects. Please tell me when can I finish my projects if new things keep coming to my table and I have to keep on rescuing other projects that cannot be handle by some incompetent fools that we employ at higher positions!

Screw all of them!!!

A major upset

Whenever you got scolded by your boss over your work, have you ever wonder which one upsets you more? Is it because of the scolding or is it because of the fact that you turned in a shoddy work?

Spoke too soon....

I use this blog to express things that is normally in my head which, under normal circumstance, I wouldn't tell to other people. When I look back at my entry, I started to sense that most of writings have some degree of pomposity and self-congratulatory that undertone them. Believe me, I am not a pompous person, far from it. Somehow, God has ways to remind me to be more humble and down to earth. Last Friday, it was no exception.

Remember when I wrote how productive I have been last week bla, bla, bla. Guess what? As I was about to leave my office, looking forward to a relaxing weekend, I got an email requesting me to prepare a presentation to senior management on Tuesday. Since, it was still 530 pm, I decided to stay back a while, do the necessary skeletal presentation and make a few calls to get the information required, giving them Monday as deadlines for submission. Still, I felt, under such tight deadlines, I manage to keep cool and remain subdued. When I finish my last instructions, I felt that my entry on being a superhero was well validated. Seems that it was only the beginning.

When I was about to leave office again about at 730 pm, I got a call from my boss to prepare a report which is due on Monday! This is where I started panicking. It was already 730pm and most of my colleagues have gone home (after all it was Friday night!). Thousands of questions started to clogged my mind. Where am I going to get the information during the weekend? How can I contact the right people? Where can I get the additional resource? I have already approved the leaves for two of my key staff next week. Helllppppppp!!

Suddenly I remember my earlier blog entry on being super-productive. At this juncture, I would like to take back all the things that I say about myself. Time for this humble old bloke to swallow his words and admit that he is not a superhero after all!

Productive week

As I am typing this entry, I am grinning ear to ear. This week has been a very satisfying week for me. I got a lot of things done, actually. First, my project is coming to an end. Yesterday, the management has 'okay'ed my project which mean I can go back breathing like normal mortals do. I have also completed my overdue Performance Plan, which I have submitted this morning. I also manage to complete a report a day before due date and just now, I have just kick-start another projects. As I strut back towards my office, I can feel my ego inflating with each step that I take.

Throughout my entire professional life, I have always been in a work environment that push me to be super-productive. Many a times, I will be assigned simultaneous projects with simultaneous deadlines as well. Because of my ability to do so, I do have this conceited view of myself being a superhero (sorry superchica, I am the first self-proclaimed corporate superhero before you!). I guess, this may have a lot to do with my upbringing. You see, my mom is a single-handed domestic manager (because my father was a soldier and always away from home). I would say, she was amongst the pioneer of 'modern' women, a new breed of female who have to juggle between career and household needs. I remember it well that all of us were taught to multitask and she could get very impatient if you are 'tembel' (and she can get quite violent too if her demand is not met - I could still recall an incident where she threw a cooking knife to one of my sisters for not bring the kitchen utensils on time!). With all this conditioning, you can't blame me for my low tolerance towards inefficiency and low productivity.

On to another topic, I just got a news that an ex-schoolmate have just got his 5th child. Now that's the level of productivity that I can do without!

Unscrupulousness

Some people are just born to be bastards! Today, I got a very disturbing news from my subordinates. It seems that one of our vendors has renegaded on the earlier agreement we have entered. The thing is, when we confronted them, they have a cheek to tell us that we didn't confirm our 'order' to them earlier. Now, we have to make all the necessary arrangement to untangle the mess. Previously, the vendor has been delaying their deliverables to us citing capacity constraints. Little that we know that they have been servicing other customers who paid higher price. FYI, we have entered an agreement with them to provide their deliverables at an agreed cost. Now that we are enjoying the benefits of locking our cost, they want to renegade from their obligation.

The company is run by some big Malay tycoon (a Tan Sri by the way) who purportedly have connections with the highest level of leadership in the country. That's why he got the contract in the first place. I don't mind if you want to use whatever cable that you have to secure a contract (after all, this is MALAYSIA!), but please ensure that you deliver your goods!

Right now, my mind is full of expletives for this guy!

Why do people become unscrupulous? It doesn't mean that you have the right to be a bastard just because you have a lot of money and have friends in high places. I long for the good old days where people uphold moral values and do work honestly. I guess with these kind of people in the becoming part of circle of friends of the country's leadership, we can expect the behaviour to be the new theme for the country's generation. No wonder things are getting into more and more messy. Bastard friends influencing bastard leaders and thus breeds bastard followers.

I am totally fed-up with the world!

Technology and Deadlines

Did you notice that as technology expands, your work deadlines tend to be expedited. I remember when I first started work, your deadlines are usually due in weeks. Then, as I progress, the deadlines are based on days. Then, it goes by the hour. Today, I receive deadlines by the minutes. I guess the kind of stress that technology puts you in is not worth having the technology in the first place. That's why I don't use blackberry!

Aaarrrgghh!!!!!

I am currently doing a very critical project which have huge impact. The deadline is very very tight. Today we have a meeting on another project where I was invited for my awareness. The project is suppose to be driven by this guy named Mr JAK. Even before the meeting, I already have this ominous feeling that something will go wrong. Indeed it was!

During the meeting, Mr JAK convenient put his responsibility on my shoulder to produce something in order to meet a deadline. I hate this guy. He is one of those person in the organisation who knows how to talk but doesn't really know how to work. In the office, he is known for his 'teflon'-like ability. No matter what task is assigned to him, nothing sticks. Somehow he will manage to 'tai-chi' the work to someone else. The best thing is, he will happily take he credit if the task is done well, and also quick to blame others if the task turns out to be disastrous. How come some people can get away with murder?

I HATE THIS GUY!!!

Losing a teammate

In 2 days time, one of my office colleague is leaving the company. It always saddens me to see a friend leaving the company for the wrong reasons. She is smart and ever willing to help whenever you need it. We have been in several dealings as teammates and I must say we make a darn good team. Once, we are in this highly controversial dealings that it takes a 'higher' power in the country to intervene to get pass us. At that time, we can't help but feel we must be the most powerful dynamic duo in the corporate world. Both of us share similar interest - spinning, dancing, exercising and of course, work (to a point of being workaholic!), yet I was luckier than her in terms of professional life since she has to report to this a**hole whom for whatever reasons, have this inferiority complex issues.

I know I am going to miss having her around but I guess, one got to do what one got to do. Superchica - I hope you keep on with your mission to save the world.

Light at the end of the Tunnel

Today, after toiling for almost two and a half month over a project, I am beginning to see the light at the end of the tunnel. There's a quiet satisfaction whenever I am able to figure out what to do with a project. When I first took the project, I have no idea what I am getting myself into. Imagine having to clear the shit that was created decades ago.

One of the self-revelation that I got when I took this project is that I learn that I can do almost anything if I put my mind to it. The project was not even my forte. I guess the fact that I am getting out of my comfort zone had made me more self conscious about my work and thus making me putting extra effort in order to avoid disastrous outcome. The project is not yet completed, but at least, I am seeing the end of it.

But true to the corporate life, one project ends, another one started. My next project is going to be even bigger. I am beginning to think maybe I should be redesignated as 'corporate janitor'. I clean up after somebody else's excrement!

Tonight I am really looking forward to going back early and enjoy the company of my wife and kids. i treat this as my mini celebration.

Nevertheless, something did spoil my day for today - Roger Federer loses AGAIN!! what's up with that guy?

Attitudes

I am still in the office finishing up a long overdue project. I can see some of my project team members are already getting very annoyed with my demands. I guess this people just doesn't know what's good for them.

I am pretty appalled with the level of dedication of young generations nowadays. Makes me think back when I was a young person, just starting work. The kind of shit that my superior puts on to me are sometimes unbearable - but I keep on soldiering on because I know, there's just a lot of things that I need to learn in order to be a better professional in future.

Young kids nowadays wants everything to be easy and thought of for them. Well, if they work with me, they wouldn't get them. I believe in 'torturing' my staff so that they know how to survive on their own based on their own capabilities.