End of the Year

It's been awhile since I haven't updated this blog. A lot of things have happened since then.

1. Federer lost US open


2. Nadal is not like he used to be


3. I have now a very big circle of tennis buddies. In fact I have even a tennis 'kaki' in my neighbourhood


4. My work is getting more and more interesting. In fact I am in the middle of being transferred to other areas..


5. Got very good job offer and still contemplating of accepting it or not


6. My son did very well in his exam.

I have repaired a few relationships that I have wronged in the past.

SO in short, it has been a wonderful year. Just wish I could share it with my mom...

Losing Momentum: Part 1

Have you ever been in a situation where things just don't go your way and along with it, you lose your energy, your motivation and your will to survive.

Lately, I have been going through many energy sapping events - both personal and professional. And in both occasions, it is ALL about clearing somebody else's mess.

Personal
Just because you make your decision based on 'kesian' and because of that that act has caused you trouble does not warrant you to pass the buck to someone else for him to clear. One of my family member did just that to me. The thing is, in normal circumstances I could have just said that it's your problem and thus, you clean the shit.

However, when it comes to family members, there are just so many 'parameters' that deter me from doing so. When emotions is involved, it is very, very hard to do it. At times, I am just FED-UP of having to make decision for people, whom for the rest of their life, have avoided doing so. Some people like so pandai cakap but when it comes to taking action and making decision, they will shun away.

I have seen this right in front of my eyes through-out my life and heck it I am still seeing it again and again. Why some people just don't want to own up to their mistakes. Why? Why? Why?

Ever since when i was small, I have seen things being managed single handedly by person who shall not be doing it in the first place. I thought faily life is supposed to be led and managed by the 'Ketua'. But if the 'Ketua' is not doing his job and let someone else do it, then DON"T complainnnnnnn!!!!!!!

I wish I could say to the person right to his face but then, my obligation sets n. Now, I am miserable because yesterday I have finally able to say it but instead of feeling better, I feel even worse.

In the meantime, I am beginning to show my typical symptoms of stress - i.e. heightened sense of sarcasm!!

Next - Part 2 of Losing Momentum........

Note to my Blog

Dear Blog,

I am sorry I have left you alone for quite some time. It's not that I have totally forgotten you, but I finally found that I have better life than before.

First, when I move to my new house, I realised that what I have been missing most in my life. I have finally known what it's like to have a sense of community. I have superb neighbours, so superb that I have even volunteered to be a committee member for the residents association. I got along great with all the people along my road. For heaven sake, we even have midnight-till-morning chit chat session in the middle of the road in front of our houses. Not to mention our routine friday night badminton session and our weekend ping-pong matches. Though I suck in both games (which is evident from my never-having-won any matches), I truly enjoy the atmosphere surrounding it. The guys will play the games, the kids will play with each other and our wives are chatting and exchanging notes on household tips (and more?).

Second, I have been able to keep myself fit. I am more disciplined with my exercise routine and my tennis skills have improved tremendously. I know this may sound sadistic, but I found a sense of utmost satisfaction seeing my friends scrambling and struggling to return my serve and and forehands. At times, I can feel this sense of invincibility in me. Forgive me for sounding arrogant but if you are in my position, you would be doing it too.

Thirdly, I am more in control of my work. I can't help it when I am able to meet my deadlines and also helped other people realised their potential. At the mid of last year, I have two managers transferred to my area for further development. Today, one of them has truly improved by leaps and bound and the other is heading in the same path. To put icing to the cake, one of my staff was recently promoted in another area for his outstanding achievement.

So my dear blog, please forgive me for abandoning you for such a long time. I simply can't help it. I am sure you would do the same to if you are in my shoe. And if you do, I truly, truly understand why you do it.

A New House

I am moving to a new house next month. Finally, after waiting for more than 8 year, I am finally moving to a place that I own. Right now, my wife and I are busy planning for the house decoration etc. Really, really excited. Have met with a few of my future neighbours and they all seems like very nice people.

Just can't wait for the moving day!

Shah Rukh Khan?.....Really?

Of all people, Shah Rukh Khan is a Datuk now?! I can barely believe it when an olympic silver medalist got his Datukship recently and now a Bollywood movie star? Reason cited because he had ONCE... I repeat ONCE filmed his movie in Malacca and now Malacca tourism has been booming since. Darn, and all this while I thought that Parameswara and a bunch of 5 'Hangs' that have made Malacca famous.

I guess the country must have run out of 'worthy' people to be conferred a Datukship! Who's next - George Soros - because he once mentioned Tun Mahathir's name and hence, made Malaysia famous as well!

Oh Blimey!

In conversation with Cicakman

I have been in touch with a friend of mine, Cicakman last week. It has been almost 20 years since we last met or talk. I was pretty close with Cicakman during our schooldays. He always entertained us with his antics and frankly, when I first arrived at the school, he was one of the very few who made me feel welcomed when I first enter the school. Having been in a day school all my life, I have to say that there were a lot of adjusting to be done when I enter a full-boarding school. The environment was different and people around you can be mean at times. But Cicakman always made me feel comfortable. Instead of discriminating the newbies like me, he was one of the first to strike conversation with me and immediately made me feel at ease. I will always hold his friendship dear to my heart.

Anyway, some update on Cicakman - he was married and divorce and just recently remarried. He has one kid and he teaches in a secondary school in North of Malaysia. Lot's of things has happened since we last met but I was proud with what he has achieved so far. Despite all that, I can still sense the very sense of warmth through his voice, just like how it was back in the schooldays. He told me that he lost touch with all of our friend except one.

Talking to him reminded me how fun it was back then, when things were all so simple. I do have a few friends in our clique that until now I am still looking for them. I will always remember Ella & Skooch - wonder where they are now?

In the mood

It's been a while that I haven't updated my blog. Not that I don't want to but because I cannot afford to spare the time. Even when I do have time, I was not in the mood because of the exhaustion I felt from the many multiple tasks and projects that I am handling now. Some of my friends has been pestering me to update my blog (okay superchica, I am doing it now!).

However, today, I am in the mood to update something. Mainly because:

1) Roger Federer won the US Open
2) I found back my close friend from my alma mater - Mr Cicakman
3) My sons have been fasting thus far
4) I have yet to miss my 'terawih' to date
5) I have just celebrated my 10th anniversary last Friday
6) Things seems to be under better control and more stable at work
7) I have finished shopping for my kids Hari Raya clothings

So much of good things has happen to me for the last few days that I guess it warrants some entry in the blog.

Thank you GOD for ALL the blessings that you have given me and my family. At times, I felt that GOD has been super-generous with me, to the point that I felt I don't really deserve them. But I guess He knows best.

I think I am going for a new goal in life. Perhaps to win my first tennis Grand Slam at the age of 40?

Help!!

I am overloaded with work now.

I am in a super-pressure cooker.

I am very stressed-out.

I have tonnes of deadlines to meet.

Oh yes, it began to dawn on me.......


I am in deep SHIT!

Commitment

After working for more than 10 years, I have been told by a colleague that I have actually contracted with a kind of 'professional' disease. I was informed that I have issues with commitment. The thing is, my issues is not about my unwillingness to commit, but it was to the other extreme. Apparently, I am overcommitted. Because of this, many perceived my enthusiasm and overcommitment as aggression, harshness, disrespectfulness and some even claim as sheer arrogance.

The think is, I don't think I am like that at all. I have to say I do have a very high energy level (of which, I don't think my wife would agree given how much contribution I had when it comes to house chores), but I am truly concern about delivering what people expect you to it. I have this inexplicable tendencies to please people with my work. I mean, when people expect certain deliverables out of me, I put my utmost passion into the tasks that I sometimes tend to be aggressive if things does go my way.

Maybe it's about time to tone down. I am getting older......

Major disappointment

I was truly upset with my son Luke yesterday. Not only because he lied to his mother and me about him bringing ALL his piggy bank savings to school yesterday, but also because of his intention to show off to his friends how much money he has.

I felt really, really disappointed because Honesty and Humility are few of the virtues that I uphold very very closely in my heart. When I was young I have seen too much of lying and 'self-promotion'/arrogance around me to the extent that I will naturally react with repelling behaviour towards those who lacked such qualities. The thing is, I just cannot believe that my son was doing it. Of course he got some very major scolding from me but that does not compensate for the disappointment I felt.

To make things worse, he was almost 'mugged' by one of the school bullies at school, whom I suspect, could have seen him holding that much money.

The truth is, I am more disappointed with myself for not being able to pass down the virtues well to my kids. Maybe, I have not been praying hard enough to God for my kids to embrace these virtues.

Lazy Bum

I have been very determined to go back to exercise regime for the last couple of weeks and so far, I have not been able to go anywhere near to my gym. But today, I was very, very close to finally realising that resolution.

But then when it was time to go, suddenly my bum becomes very, very lazy.... No wonder my stomach is getting bigger. Never mind, tomorrow I shall go to the gym :) ...... that is unless my bum does not go back to the standby mode 'again'!

Sore Loser

I have been in a very foul mood for the last couple of days. The reason? .......Federer lost his Wimbledon title.

Get a life Luke!

Wimbledon

Venus Won! I am such a huge fan of the girl. I think when she is at her best, she is almost indestructible. Frankly, even though people said that Serena is the better player, my preference will always be with Venus. She has this mature disposition and hardly display any signs of anguish during her match, even though she is one point from losing. So, kudos to the big sister and to the little sister, grow up! Did you read her comments during the press conference. What a sore loser.

Tonight will be the men's final. I do have tough time in deciding who I will support. My heart goes to Federer for the superb payer he is, but at the same time, I also want Nadal to win merely because for his on and off-court persona. I think both of them really displays what professional tennis is all about. You can be the very fierce competitors on court, but off-court, you can remain friends and polite to each other. I particularly like the way Nadal commented about his thrashing of Federer during the recent French Open final. Despite showing a far superior game, he was very respectful of his opponents and remain polite and respectful with his comments. Even though I know Nadal is very, very competitive on court, he some how manage to charm his way with his polite and respectful demeanor towards his opponents. I guess that's why my wife is a die-hard fan of Nadal.

Only if our leaders can learn a thing or two from these guys.....

Disgusted!

Frankly, I don't know what's up with Malaysia nowadays. ever since Tun Mahathir stepped down from the highest post, everything began to crumble. From escalating prices, to shaky racial unity, corrupted politicians and the ever-so-dramatic so called leader of the opposition of Anwar Ibrahim (AI).

Talk about Mr AI, I used to have such a huge respect for this guy. He portrayed this image of a new, young and dynamic Muslim that has all it takes to bring the nation to a greater height. Then, came the Sep 1998 episode where he was sacked from the top post, apparently for f***ing someone's a***. I wasn't a total believer of the whole incidence because deep in my heart, I truly believed that he was set-up and thought that all of these are part of the political games that Mahathir put in order to oust his then ever-increasingly-popular deputy. (I have to say, I wasn't a great fan of Mahathir either but I have a lot of respect for the guy for what he has done for Malaysia).

During the recent election, I thought the results served the ruling party right because it really echoed the voice of the people for the blatant display of corruption of some of the top officials. I was emphatic of AI and wish him all the best in his political come back.

However, he lost his support from me with his series of action after the big win. There were many dubious statements and actions by him which I felt was in total contradiction of what he was before and what he was really fighting for. It was so blatant that I begin to doubt his political agenda - is he really fighting for his people rights or is he the guy who will do anything just to be Malaysia's PM? I am beginning to see that things will be heading towards major screw-ups if he is in power.

The funny thing is indeed he was. But then again, I didn't expect that instead of screwing up the government, he screw somebody's a*** up first. I thought the whole episode was very funny. Maybe he was just practising :) . But true to what the opposition has been doing lately, things become such a big drama. First, there was the political asylum thing, then there were allegations bantering where the suing and counter-suing ensues.

Don't these people realise that there are actually other REAL issues that need to be addressed. What about the rising cost of living and addressing people's woes? Don't you guys get it, creating one drama after another is NOT solving our problems! I am truly ashamed of the so-called leaders we have in Malaysia. Maybe they all deserve the screwing by one another.

In the meantime, I am surfing the net to find a country that I can seek 'economic' asylum. From I am seeing, looks like Timbuktu should be a good place to migrate.

And for the record, I still don't believe that AI did all those things he was alleged for. But somehow, I was not as emphatic as before. Maybe, he deserved it.

Wallahu'alam.

A little 'Pick-me-up'

I have to say that I have been quite down for the last couple of days. Mainly because of work overload and the demands on me that barely pass the 'reasonableness' test. In most of the time, I will find within me things that will continue to motivate me but nowadays, that self-motivation mechanism is verging on a breakdown.

I think God must have loved me so much that just when I was about to spiral down further, I receive an email from my confidant that puts me back on track again. The email was not one of those long and wordy words of encouragement but a rather sweet and simple quotation that somehow hugely overhauls the key component of my self-motivation mechanism.

Sometimes we don't realise that you can touch people in ways that you don't even realise. Thanks Superchica for the thoughts. I will forever etch those words in my heart.

I am tired!!!

For the past couple of days, a lot of people has been making remarks on me saying that I look tired. I too feel the exhaustion and after pondering for a while, it dawns on me what really makes me feel tired. So here goes...

I am tired of solving other people's problem. Don't they think that they too have brains that I am sure, if given just some marginal effort, it can work too.

I am tired of people having high expectation on me. Don't they know that I am only a human being and it doesn't mean that whenever my name is in the team, all problems can be solved!

I am tired of being the 'Aunt Agony' of people around me. Don't they realise that I too have problems on my own that even I don't know who I confide my innermost fears and insecurities.

I am tired of making decisions for people who do not want to do so out of pure hesitance of taking accountability should things got screwed up. Don't they ever wonder how they should be earning all those monthly credits to their bank account and what it really means.

I am tired of being nice to people whom they themselves are not nice to other people. Do they really expect that people can still be nice to you despite you being a total a***hole to them?

I am tired of having to justify all of my actions to people while some a**hole can get away with murder. Don't they see that when I do things, I always put my best intentions for them. Just because you have had bad experience and you can generally labeled everybody as conman!

Finally, I am tired of being tired for all these things. Why don't people just leave me alone. So everybody just get the f***-off of my back.

The End!

Headless Chicken, that's me!

Ever since I got back from my family vacation, I have been running around like headless chicken. Suddenly, there are so many things to be done in such a short time. To make things worst, I am currently involved in two concurrently high profile, tight-deadline projects involving highly sensitive areas. In fact, I just came back from a week long outstation stint, which eventually left me truly exhausted yesterday.

Today, as I entered into my office, a string of people is queueing to see me. In a way, I felt like the most sought after person in the company, but in many ways, I felt I am being exploited by my company to deliver what others cannot deliver.

I think I better start pondering my 'martyr'-like approach in my work because, I am feeling a lot of people in taking credit of my work. Not that I mind it that much, but when it was done blatantly in front of your face, you can't help but get annoyed for such display of arrogance.

Yesterday, I got a good man-to-man session with my nephew, Ifus, on the virtues of corporate life and the thing that you need to do to progress in your career. Now, I think I need to reevaluate the advice given....

Family Vacation Part 2 (Kembali ke Alam Nyata!)

My family and I arrived in KUL at approximately 14oo hours today. Well all I can say was it was truly an enjoyable trip. My wife and I went shopping in Tanah Abang, a place where you can find cloth and materials (as well as head scarf and embroidered clothing) dirt cheap! My wife and I also pamper ourselves with facial treatment, body massage and reflexology at a price that was beyond value for money, and our kids got to attend a two-hour tennis coaching lessons (together with ball-boy services) at a mere RM35. To top it all, we got ourselves to stay in a Grand Deluxe room and a mere one-third of the published rate. Man, do we live like king in Jakarta! In the end, all of us came back with glee, probably the after effect from the 'euphoria' we experienced.

The family having a good time at DuFan (Dunia Fantasi)

The thing is, I am quite impressed with Jakarta. My wife was a bit apprehensive when I mentioned to her that I wanted to take the whole family to Jakarta for a vacation. In her mind, she always thought that the place is unsafe, dirty etc a.k.a not worth visiting. I don't blame her because she did not have a pleasant experience the first time she went there back in 2000. But to me Jakarta is far more interesting to visit than KL - hands down.

The kids frolicking at the hotel's bath tub

Apart from being able to enjoy the luxuries at a mere fraction of a price here in KL, the workmanship of the people is impeccable. and meticulous. For example, the masseuse are more skilled than those in KL. I can really compare this based on my first hand experienced. In fact, I was very impressed with the progress of my kids tennis skills after just a 2 hours session with the local coach. I was surprised to see Nique being able to strike the ball clean after just being coached for 10 minutes. This I can compare with the results I got when I tried to coach them myself.

Luke, Nique and Ash at Tennis Coaching Session

Now we are back to the real world. As I write, my kids were sleeping, clearly exhausted from the trip. In my mind, I am already planning my next visit.

At the hotel

Note: There are still things that you need to be wary of when visiting JKT. Thus, you should always seek advice from people who visit the place regularly.

Family Vacation Part 1 (Selamat Berlibur!)

I am in Jakarta when I type this entry. I have to say, the vacation didn't start quite well. Yesterday morning when I arrived at the airport, I was offloaded because the flight was overbooked. As a result, my family and I have to wait for 4 hours for the next flight. Then, the flight was delayed because of late arrival of the previous flight. I have to wait for another 1 hour before we departed to Jakarta. When I arrived, I found out that I lost my handphone. I could've left it either in the plane or at the waiting lounge prior to departure. When I checked-in at the hotel, I found out that the room provided to me did not come with the internet connection.

The thing is, apart of all the thing that happened, I was indeed very satisfied. Not for what has happened but more of how I have reacted to all this. Instead of throwing tantrums and making scenes out of all these (which I always have the tendency to do it), I have risen above them all and reacted using my head and not my emotions.

Starting with the incident at the airport, instead of uttering expletives at the officer at the counter, I managed to remain calm and talk rationally to the guys. And you know what, I was suddenly able to calm myself further. I was overwhelmed with this tingling sensation arising from the effect of being nice to people. I can see how appreciative the officers to me and because of that, I was offered free coupons for my breakfast and lunch (usually, one is entitled for one meal vouchers only). Then during internet incidence, I negotiated my way with the hotel officers and guess what, I was given free internet instead. As for my handphone incidence, I managed to email my assistant at the office and she managed to do the necessary for me. In the end, I end up having a very good time with my family.

One thing I learnt that I would not be able to do all this had I did not do the most IMPORTANT thing when adversity occurred....the ability to let things go. Many a times the main cause for our anger, anguish and disappointment is the fact that we are too hung up on what HAS happened rather than concentrating to ensure things happen the way we wanted it. The rule is simple, negativity breeds negativity whilst positivity neutralised negativity and makes things back to equilibrium. I know this may sound a bit too philosophical but could you imagine what would have happened if I reacted differently to all the above situations. I could have ended up having the worst family vacation ever. At the moment, my family and I are having good times doing shopping and sightseeing in Jakarta.

I guess GOD has blessed me with true happiness.

Alhamdulillah...

Playing with Emotions

One thing I love about fatherhood is that you get to bully your kids anytime, anywhere you like. When it comes to teasing my kids, I am a true expert. Nique, for example, can easily succumb to the power of suggestions. Tell him anything and he would believe it. Ash on the other hand, is easily manipulated everytime you 'fake' your crying. But when it comes to Luke, it is totally a different ball game. Luke is a bit more steady and guarded when it comes to his emotions. You don't easily break him and he also doesn't easily believe things either. His power of observation is so strong that you have to be really, really consistent to make him succumb to your suggestions.

Just now, I manage to break him :) As we are preparing to go to Jakarta, I have constantly told him that he will not be joining us because of his poor exam results (well Luke is not as academically gifted as Nique). I started to pull him into the game about 5 weeks ago. First, I started by showing that I didn't buy him his plane tickets (which I actually did). Next, I kept on repeating that I shall be leaving him with either at my sister house or his nanny's place. Every now and then, I would drop little hints that he will not be joining us for the trip. The thing is, he was pretty cool about it. Throughout the period, he did not show much feelings towards what I said. I must say, he seems to be taking the news a bit too well.

My moment of triumph came just now. Because he likes to tease Nique, I finally told him that I would consider bringing him along if Nique allows him to. I would have thought that Nique would be taking is time to see if Luke would be nicer to him but Nique, being the soft-hearted kid he is, has finally admitted to me that he would like Luke to join us for the trip as well. I guess my plan hit a little setback. Then this afternoon, I told Luke that since Nique is okay with him joining, he still has to beat me in Foosball three times in a row in order to earn the trip. I can see how determined Luke was in trying to win the game. In fact, he won the first two games fairly easily (actually the kid is darn good!). The third game was a closer tie. The suspense was as good as any Hindi movie that you would normally watch. Every time, Luke scored a goal, I would score mine right after. At the score of 5-5, Luke finally manage to pull away when he got the next 2 consecutive goals (by the way, you need to score 9 goals to win the game). I guess, nerves has finally got the best of him when, out of nowhere, I managed to score 4 goals in a row. As he conceded defeat, his eyes started to well up. I, on the other hand, began to rub it in with my gloating. He finally broke down in tears. I think he was truly, truly disappointed. His cousin, Ann who happen to be around began to console him but he was truly heartbroken.

As I when up to my room and tell the tale to my wife, I began to think that maybe this time I went a bit too far. My wife pointed how childish I have been to pull a stunt like that on a nine-year old. I guess she's right too. I was more interested in breaking his 'macho' persona without realising that how much I have hurt him. After I have finished typing the final sentence of this entry, I would go down and offer to have another foosball game with him and this time, I would let him win this time. My wife told me why can't I just tell him that he can go, without going through this silly mind games. I told her......"Where's the fun in that?!"

I really, really ought to be ashame of myself!!

Luke, Nique and Ash being my prank victims....he...he....he...